Thoughts...

- The unexpected sun we've been experiencing round here recently has done me good. Getting out of the house and spending Sunday afternoon clearing leaves up at my Grandma's house has also done me good. I felt that I was clearing away more than just leaves...

- Can somebody remind me to never moan about friends? Seriously? Because there's something really stupid about moaning about friends when you have friends who do things like go out and buy you a present to cheer you up (the mug) and then bring you a special bun. The adjective I would choose to describe a friendship such as this is rich. It's the sort of friendship that feels satisfying, and the more you put into it the more you get back in return. There is something wonderful about a friendship formed under such odd circumstances - it was a moment where two people are thrown together by the way life seems to be working in that one, single, tiny period of time... yet they stick together. It was a moment where you can feel there is something different occurring, something that will stay with you. 

- I should probably stop reading It's Not Me, It's You for the second time in three months and carry on reading the two books I haven't touched since January. But I just can't.

- I needed some sort of artistic release last night. Seriously, if anybody happens to need a bookmark, let me know. I have a ton of card and craft paper specifically for the purpose of making them. 
(You don't need to know that the primary reason for making them last night was because I couldn't find a bookmark for the book mentioned in point 3...)

- I only have one lesson tomorrow, the other two have been cancelled due to trips. It seems entirely pointless going in to register then go away and work on coursework. Sigh. Never mind.    

- My next door neighbour is awesome. Just throwing that one out there. 

Besos ♥
Rachel 

"When your hope has been denied you, I will walk beside you, carry on."

Wash it away

If you know me (or even if you don't), you might know how much of an obsession I have about the book 'It's Not Me, It's You'. If you're my friend Liz in particular, you'll know this...

Anyway, when I flicked the light off last night and sat in bed, unable to sleep and with a whole host of thoughts bombarding my head, I stopped for a minute. I couldn't stop thinking about one thing: a quote I had been reading prior to going to bed.

"Eventually entire landscapes will be formed and re-formed by the relentless waters. In centuries to come, the spot on which I am sitting won’t even exist, never mind the problems which occupy my mind as I sit here."

As with every other quote I'm likely to be mentioning at the moment, this one comes from 'It's Not Me, It's You' (my favourite book at the moment). I texted it to my friend Jess this morning after reading something she wrote about being nervous about something she had to do today. But aside from spreading the sense those words make (to me, at least) about a bit, the quote really spoke to me. 

Priorities, and so worries, will change with time. It was weird, because it was suddenly like everything in life made sense. Weeks and weeks of paranoia and depression and confusion, and suddenly everything seemed clear. Why? Because it's true. If we were to travel forwards in time and find me sitting on my bed, worrying about the same mundane burdens that my life is filled with now, I would be highly surprised. 

There's something comforting in knowing that this is true - that this time next year I could be sitting in the same place, but with the worries that haunt my mind now non-existant. And it had some sort of unconscious yet profound impact on my day today, because nothing about it was bad. It was sunny, and warm, and nice. Liz and I sat outside the common room and had a picnic after giving a talk to some Y11s and discussed love and life and everything in between. I saw my English teacher, who reassured me about my coursework. I had a hilarious conversation with Ester that resulted in a strange feeling of motivation. And, just to add in a bit of weirdness, Jade spent Psychology quacking at me and Helen.

How can I complain about all of that? I can't. Not really. The metaphorical relentless waters constantly washing over my life have appear to have cleared the debris from the sand and the surface is neater now. There's really nothing to complain about in that...

Besos ♥
Rachel 

The Element of Surprise

In the past five years or so, I can only name two books that were read from beginning to end with no skipping ahead: Eleven (Mark Watson), It's Not Me, It's You! (Jon Richardson). I find this fact quite important. I am still reading Jon's book. I'm on page 221, and even flicking the pages to find out how many there are remaining to read made me cringe and my eyes divert themselves away from the book itself. Yes, I realise it made the exercise entirely pointless. I also realise, after doing a spot of not-so-secret-anymore Googling, that I am certainly not the only person who cannot help but read the last few pages of a book before even looking at the first page (on occasion, even including the blurb).

There are arguments that reading the end of a book first can actually enhance the experience of reading it, an argument that I am slightly inclined to agree with. I like to know what is likely to happen, in any given situation, so I can adjust my behaviour appropriately throughout. In school, a lot of kids know that they are likely to get the dreaded detention if they misbehave, and so they are well-behaved. Prediction > response. I don't like situations popping up just when you think that life is perfectly levelled out. 

Put bluntly, I don't like surprises. [And I certainly don't like them when they're some form of surprise test, an unexpected argument or, the worst, a traffic jam.]

Arguably, the fact that I don't like being, or feeling, surprised accounts for a lot of the decisions I make...

I know that topic is unlikely to appear in the exam, I'll revise it anyway just in case.
She was in a foul mood this morning, I'll stay here for a while longer until she's likely to have calmed down a bit.
If I cross the road when a car is approaching, I'm likely to get run over. I'll stay here on the pavement until the road is car-free.

I like to see the lack of the element of surprise in my life as more of a good thing than a bad one. My worst-case scenario would almost definitely be something along the lines of a surprise party. Firstly because I have been to several parties that I would describe as badly organised and executed - and this would irritate me no end considering my daily planner has a colour-coded system so that by simply glancing at a day I'll know whether the birthday marked is for a relative or friend - but secondly because there is no normal way to react to walking into a room full of people there to celebrate you in some form.

Equally, I'm not a fan of horror films. There are enough REAL horrors if I turn on the news, therefore I don't think it necessary to force false horrors onto myself so that I live the rest of my life reminding myself that I won't get killed if I set foot into a shower, but equally I need to be wary of any shower taken when I am in the house alone. The way I see it is this: why add to the looming pile of worries and concerns I already have?

Arguably, I don't need to be worrying about being surprised in my day-to-day life either. And I'm not. Not really, anyway. But equally, by at least acknowledging the fact that one day I might have to be surprised by something, I am counteracting the odd emotions that will inevitably follow as by simply thinking about the possibility, by brain is going over every potential situation and thinking of ways I could react. And this, my friends, is why I never seem to get any sleep...

Besos ♥
Rachel 

Help

"There is so much for each of us to get done and so little time to do it in that we can't possibly do it without help, so we should make space for one another, clear a path to allow those of us through who need a helping hand." - Jon Richardson - It's Not Me, It's You!

I've been reading the book all day (on and off). It's the sort of book that can have you going from quiet reflection to creepy unexpected laughter in a public place in less than a minute. I don't mind that... I just won't repeat today's mistake of reading it in the LRC with three of my friends around... Note: It's not cool to be the girl (or guy) giggling to herself (or himself) while nobody else knows what is so amusing and realising that you've lost most of your dignity.

I posted the above quote as my Facebook status a few minutes ago. I always find it interesting who 'likes' status updates, but that's besides the point. The quote itself spoke to me, and I figured that if it could speak to me, it could perhaps speak to others who had not yet discovered it. I also may, or may not, have been showing friends extracts from the book all day in an attempt to interest them. Aiden joined in with my random LRC laughing for a while, so I'd say it's progress ;)

Our high school motto was 'Together Everyone Achieves More'. I'm sure you've already figured out what that stands for, but if not, it's TEAM. And here's the funny bit, it seemed to be true. Fast forward to college, and there seems to be minimal, if not zero, teamwork. It's such an intense, bleak place sometimes that it's easy to forget there are people who are willing to work together and help others. 

I don't really have a point to this, but it just seems so true. We spend our whole lives walking around being depressed at our own misfortune, missing the fact that there are so many people who need our help more than we need it ourselves. We're onto the schizophrenia topic in Psychology now and every lesson makes me think about people I know. It makes me over-conscious about 'spotting signs' for things - a problem that is probably not helped by the fact that I'm part of the peer counselling team.

Speaking of, we've got our new base now (I think, don't quote me on that). I'm really keen to get some charity days organised, there's a serious lack of that at college and it makes my charitable side sad. But, then, most of me is sad whenever I think about college and that in itself makes me sad. It's odd, then, that today I was quite content to be back in the place that I moan about so frequently. I felt quite lucky to feel like that, if I'm being honest. 

I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'm going to sign off before it starts getting odd. I also have a 10 mark question to finish, which is probably more important in the long run... 

Besos ♥
Rachel 

PS: Happy 2012 everybody :)