Wednesday Randoms

Just a bunch of random thoughts etc...

1. Tomorrow is the 'first year anniversary' of leaving school. More on that tomorrow.

2. I'm currently on study leave. I had my Spanish exam on Monday and my Media was yesterday (Tuesday, depending on when this thing gets published). Spanish was OK but we had to wait a whole hour at the end of the exam because our belongings were locked in a room that we couldn't access until the second group had finished their exam (we only had one ICT room and too many people, so the second group started 45 minutes after my group did) - they told us we couldn't quickly get our things as it would disturb them...but 45 minutes into our exam we had to get up and change rooms...how is that not disturbing US? Media was also alright but I probably messed up 16 marks as we'd never been taught how to answer the question. Great. Plan is to drop it next year anyway so not as concerned as I would be about Spanish or will be about Psychology on June 7th.

3. I got an email today telling me we have an Amnesty parcel to collect from the Finance office in college. Wooo! Excited to take delivery of our first lot of campaign materials. We've only ordered 50 briefings and 100 stickers/postcards/mythbusters (whatever the Roma mythbusters are...) - our email was stuck in their infamous backlog of emails but luckily it's all going to arrive well before the campaign. I love having one less thing to worry about :)

4. I went out with Sophie and her friend Emma to see college's summer production last night, Dream Factory, at Phoenix Theatre (Airedale). My friend Danny was in it and the plot couldn't have made less sense, but I enjoyed it. They used strobe lighting to make fight scenes appear in slow motion which I thought was way more clever than it really was. They all also ran out into the audience which was cool. Danny really enjoyed it which I was happy about because they all worked so hard on it, they had to miss lessons and everything trying to get ready in time so I bet they're all relieved it was good.

5. Sophie (not the one I went to college production with last night), if you happen to read this, I will reply to your email this week, I promise, I've been stupidly busy but it will happen!

Besos ♥
Rachel 

 

There's nothing more to gather

I had a pretty hideous day today. It started off badly and got worse. I spent lunchtime trying not to cry, which I'm pretty sure at least one of my friends mistook for me being in a mood with them, but I don't really care right now to be honest.

I found a song today that sums up how I feel right now, Do You Wanna by Joshua Radin - "you're on your knees, picking up the pieces from your past, but there's nothing more to gather". I'm still battling with some...issues...regarding friendships. If I'm honest, the one thing I'm bothered about is that a) I always have to arrange doing something out of college, nobody else is willing to and b) I'm fed up of always hearing about all the fun things my friends are doing out of college and not being invited anywhere, even though I always invite everyone when we go places as a group and I'm organising it. I think the feeling I'm describing here is one of being undervalued and unimportant. 

It started by having to sit with two of my friends while they looked at holidays for next summer, it might sound pathetic, but it just felt rubbish to have to sit there with no other option because nobody else was free while my friends planned something without me again. I wouldn't have wanted to go with them on a holiday, that's not what I'm saying at all, it's just the most recent example. It's like they all enjoy making a point of what they're doing to wind me up. Is it really so wrong to just want to go somewhere and do something?

We used to go places all the time, last summer, after exams and after leaving school. I don't understand how a year has passed and we've barely done anything. People have more money now than when we were at school, but my friends seem to spend it on anything but doing things as a group. I'm generalising, obviously, some of my friends never do that, some always do. 

I'm not the sort of person that can just stay in the house all week and weekend without going anywhere or doing anything, but I don't have a social life at all. I just wanna go back to how we were this time last year, is that too much to ask for?

Besos ♥
Rachel 

Rompemos cada díá

¡Hola! ¡Bienvenidos a 'Español Viernes'! Cada viernes, escribiría en mi blog en Español...porque puedo ;) La tema de hoy es 'mis amistades y por que tengo tantos problemas con ellos'...

Estoy escribiendo sobre mis amistades hoy en día en vez del otro día porque sufría muchos problemas desde septiembre cuando empezaba en colegio. Estaba muy ocupada con muchas cosas, pero el problema más importante fue que fue como no tuve amigos cuando estaba en colegio y no entendía por que mis amistades estaban rotas, especialmente porque he tenido un amigo en particular, y siempre ha dicho que quiso el grupo ser juntos...aunque todo fue muy diferente que cuando estabamos en la escuela.

No lo sé que estoy infeliz en este momento con mis amistades...quizas porque no tenga mucho tiempo pasar con mis amigas y no quiera perder mis amigas porque tenga una vida muy ocupada. También, mis examenes son más importante para mi que nunca porque necesito notas buenas porque quiero ir a la universidad y quiero estudiar Español o quizas el idioma inglés...no esté segura en este momento.

Y ahora, estoy muy cansada, así voy a dormir. Buenas noches todos :)

Besos ♥
Rachel 

Randoms

- Yesterday was my AS Spanish oral exam...Ester said I did 'well' and I was 'accurate'. I said ''llevar lo que quiero llevar'' instead of ''llevo lo que quiero llevar'' though. Oops. Managed to get a phrase she wrote for me a long time ago that featured a bunch of complicated tense stuff in though. Woo!

- I will, at some point, to this jewellery tutorial, it's just never convenient for me to upload the pictures and then post. It will be soon though, I promise.

- The Amnesty office is finally organised. Jade and I have developed a rather effective post-it note way of communicating. We managed to leave each other notes within a 5 minute time period earlier, haha :)

- Working Title officially went to print today. It only took a few weeks for the member of staff overseeing it to get our budget, but y'know. The lovely Sophie keeps calling me a legend for getting bits done :) I suppose it's quite handy that I used to edit my school's newspaper, really.

- 9 days until Eurovision :O How has it come around that quickly?! Current top ten are:

10) Croatia - Cheesy ESC style pop :)

9) Greece - Weird...which is why I like it

8) France - the French JG...aww :)

7) Spain - I understand it! ;)

6) Poland - Still love it

5) Sweden - I love Eric Saade. End of.

4) Russia - Really don't know why I love this as much as I do, to be honest

3) Norway - Ridiculously catchy

2) Denmark - Seriously. Love.

1) United Kingdom - Also seriously love, it hasn't not been played every day since I downloaded it

Besos ♥
Rachel

(PS: the top 10 has been updated since posting, I got a bit muddled up originally haha)

 

Words

I'll sort the font out on this later, I'm posting from my iPod so I have no font options. Grrr.

Right. I received a message earlier, from somebody that I know is likely to be reading this. I'm not going to dignify it with a personal response, I'm not looking for an argument and I certainly don't need yet another person telling me what a horrible person I am, but I want to say the following, to anyone that happens to read this (though in my own head I'm talking to the many, many people that have hurt me in the past few years.

Your words, all of them, have hurt me, even more so because they are all from behind the safety and security of a keyboard. I am too sensitive, and I know this isn't a good trait but it is who I am, so accept it. I am tired of being portrayed as the bad guy, when I know, truly in my heart, that I am not.

Here's the thing. If you say/send me a horrible email/message, I will get upset. Nobody truly knows how insecure I am. I have cried for an hour tonight over the latest horrible message in my inbox, and I can guarantee I will with the next. Nobody ever knows this, because I'm too dignified to tell them, but to all of those people that have sent me messages, shouted abuse at me, joined in with online hate campaigns: you win. I am no longer willing to pretend that you don't upset me, why should I have to spend so much time pretending everything is alright when it's not?

Accusations, it's all relative. There's a way of saying things and it's not just to accuse people of things. My generation are all so petty, everyone's fault but their own. Well you know what? It's not my fault, and from now on I'm not going to let anybody force me to believe it is. I'm not going to apologise for being myself.

Office Redecorating and Little Bits

Phew, OK, so Wednesday afternoon and pretty much all of my day on Thursday was spent sorting out the Amnesty office with Jade. We've taken down all of the posters (it's likely to be used for exams so we'd have had to rush to take all of them down - there were LOADS of them) and got some drawers in to create space on the floor and clear the two spare chairs in there...it looks a bit neater now and we now know where everything is...yay :)

I love working with Jade already, we just seem to bounce off eachother and our ideas some out of nowhere but they've so far been working alright. We've already sorted out what we want to do for the rest of the year and we're trialling another idea already. It's a relief to have it all at least planned so now we only need one meeting before study leave and won't have to do anything else until after then.

I spent all of my day yesterday watching the Royal Wedding...I mean, I didn't intend to at all, I thought I'd probably hate it. Wow, how wrong was I? It got better when my mum came home and I was no longer the only female in the house though, haha :) 

Jewellery post tomorrow, I promise, right after I do my Psychology homework.

Besos ♥
Rachel

Growth

Today was Adam and Jonathan's last day in the Amnesty Group. It was also the day that Jade and I took over as Vice President and President respectively. The cool part is that I now have an office (haha, 17 and I have an office, what is that?!) and somewhere to go and do my organising instead of having to do it all at home because I hate college with a passion...

But, in all honesty, I feel really bad that Adam and Jonathan have had to give their roles up (they leave this year for university) because it feels like it was hard for them to do. It's hard to be excited about something when other people feel sad about the very same thing.

I'm just glad that I'll be working with Jade, we work well together and we have a laugh, and it's so rare that I get that these days. 

Today was also the college magazine deadline. We have been fully approved to go to print. Woooo! Sophie and I were so happy to get it finished. The Principal loved it and emailed us back today, which was pretty awesome because she's always so busy and never has time to email back (still waiting to find out something about Children in Need...which was in November).

However, at the end of the day, the handover of roles is a positive thing, it will allow the group to grow and I'll remind myself of this next year when I have to hand my role over to someone else. I remember from school newspaper how hard it is to hand over something you care about so much, which is probably why I completely get why it must've been an odd day for them both. 

Tomorrow is 'office sort out day' - Jade and I have tons of stuff to go through and look at...fun fun fun! We had to bin quite a lot of cardboard boxes earlier (don't worry, it was a recycle bin...) because they were taking up that much room in the office. Neither of us like mess. Two OCD about how tidy a room is people sharing an office? Yeah, it'll be interesting. Then I have a lovely, long, 4 day weekend on my hands. Can't wait.

Besos ♥
Rachel