I drew the title from lyrics I adore by a singer called Rosie Doonan. For those interested, the song's called 'Outside In', though I'm unsure if it's anywhere to be found on the internet.
Now we've got that out of the way, allow me to introduce myself. I am Rachel Cross, a sixteen year old girl from the UK who has tried blogging before...and failed (stay with me, folks, I'm trying my best). I'd list my varied and intriguing interests, but I hope to reveal them in stories and anecdotes in the posts that will follow this one. In fact, I'll start with one now.
Today, I spoke to my oldest and most memorable best friend for the first time in months. I miss her a lot right now, lots of stuff has been going on and I've really felt the notion that I am no longer a perfectly innocent 8 year old, no longer able to hide behind the characters carved from my imagination as I have grown into a teenager. My oldest and most memorable best friend shared these characters with me, no doubt. Her name is Rachel - we went by Rachel no#1 (me) and Rachel #no2 (her) when we were younger, and at the time wondered if we'd ever accept that when one person shouted 'Rachel', we'd both turn round. We never needed to. The day we met, she came to my school to visit for the day. I remember it vividly, I remember telling her to keep away from the bully of the class (who, to be fair, everybody hated...I was doing the girl a favour) and then missing her the second she left. I remember her telling me I was her best friend after only a mere few hours of knowing eachother. Rachel moved away in late 2003/early 2004 (I think I can be forgiven for no longer remembering the exact date, I erased it from my memory when I left school that day in tears because the move had been so sudden).
We kept up our best friendship for another two years or so, continuing into early 2006 when I think we both realised that without our shared classmates, fellow Brownie girls and horse riders, we had nothing to talk about. We tried to keep it up, but she became distant, I became wrapped up in my new high school friendships, she was always busy, I hated travelling the distance. She was worth it, we were worth it, but our friendship faded away before we both really knew what was happening.
The real beginning to what I'm trying rather long-windedly to explain would be a conversation that took place between myself and some other friends yesterday. As we sat around the desks in my form room (because we're the cool kids who eat our lunch in a classroom, rather than the social area or across the road in front of the shop, yeah, you should be envious...) sharing stories about our primary schools, I found myself reminiscing about the strange people we had in our class, the people that to this day I still remember yet would not be able to recognise in the street. But, despite the jolly conversation taking place around me and the many things I could have said, I found myself biting my tongue as I realised that the greatest memories couldn't be shared with my friends...they could, and should, only be shared with the one person they took place with, Rachel. It's fair to say we were inseperable when we were at primary school together, we'd get shouted at when we went swimming for not putting enough effort in and ''just gossiping'' instead (clearly my year 5 teacher had my personality figured right out even back then). We'd go to eachother's houses for tea each week, and I adored her mum's homemade pizza more than any meal I'd ever eaten previously, salivating over it more each time I went there. We left a strange boy from our class on top of her climbing frame at a party once, but I think we can be forgiven considering he always claimed he was from Mars...
I remember the day she left, she only lives 1 and 1/2 hours away from me even now, but it's impractical to visit her and impractical for her to visit me. My mum took me to Xscape (a local entertainment complex type of place) to cheer me up, we saw either Freaky Friday or Mean Girls, I don't remember which, I don't think I paid much attention. It was like there was a gap where she should have been sitting next to me.
I'm rambling, I know, you'll find I like to take my time to explain things fully. The point is, that I miss her, though she's symbolic of much more, she represents my childhood. I won't detail what's happened this week, but speaking to her this evening has shown me how far I've come from the day when I sat in a practically empty nighttime cinema wishing I could have my best friend back. Because the thing is, even when I feel alone, I know I'm not. I have my family, my incredibly zany, absolutely mental, gloriously silly family. I have the teachers from school (some, admittedly, have touched my life considerably more than others, though all have taught me lessons in both their desired subject, and life). I have my crazily deep, wonderfully mad, insanely dirty-minded friends, and we're not always going to be together. In September, we're all starting fresh over in college, and we all realise that we'll drift apart, we'll make new friends and laugh with new people. But, in a very longwinded way, what I'm saying is that if I've learnt anything from Rachel, I know that life can go on without people in it anymore.
With love, belief and scary levels of depth,
Rachel no#1
PS: Though, having said that last part, I very much intend to keep everybody in my life now in it for as long as they'll have me (: After all, I am their walking, talking planner and (when needed) PA. Gotta love friends...
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