Tuesday 28 September 2010

Monday 12th July - 9:15pm, Planinarski Dom mountain hut

Yesterday when we got up we had some breakfast (cornflakes) then headed out kayaking. Slaven showed us what to do and I was steering the kayak. I was in with Shannon. She tended to nag me a lot at first which annoyed me but she calmed down after a while and I enjoyed it. I suppose we were both trying to get used to it so it wasn't a big deal. I also think that I was reasonably good at it considering I’ve never done anything like it before at all. We kayaked to the mouth of the Zrmanja River then relaxed there for a few hours. It was boiling hot so we just sat around then went in the water. Izzy had never learnt to swim but she was really brave and she even jumped in from quite a height so everybody was really proud of her. Sam was our team leader and he did a really good job. Some people were saying he didn’t but I thought he did. When we kayaked back I was with Oliver and it was much more relaxed than the journey there. Everybody decided they wanted to swap kayak partners which was fair enough but I felt that the pairings reflected the fact that I was the only girl in my year when I was left without a partner and so was Oliver. I didn’t mind though because I didn’t get nagged by him and we worked well as a team. When we got back we all had showers then packed up the tents and got on coaches to the new campsite at Starigrad. Once we got there, we put tents up and Lauren and Izzy made tea. We had pasta with dolmio sauce. I got a good night’s sleep last night which I was so thankful for. There was an incident with Margaret though. The campsite is full of ants so Joe said we shouldn’t leave any food out at all. With that in mind, Margaret decided to leave the cornflakes out so they got wasted. Ugh.

This morning we were really unorganised but I had watermelon for breakfast which is probably the best food I could have had. We had to dump the stuff we didn’t need and locked it in a room in the campsite reception. We filled our day sacks and put them inside the big sacks. We trekked about 5.5 miles and I really struggled. I’m pretty convinced that I had at least 5 panic attacks whilst trying to climb the first third and I was literally in tears and crying that I couldn’t do it for the most part of that. Margaret had to walk me up. I was also very dehydrated though which gave me breathing problems which is probably where the panicking came from and Margaret made me stop and drink a full litre of water before making me wet my head under a tap in the village at the entrance to the national park. She kept telling me a story about the tree we were standing underneath which began to really grate on me. Slaven came back to see if I was alright which I thought was nice of him but was probably also his job...

Jacob stuck with me for most of the way which really surprised me. He made me laugh during the last third of the journey and kept my spirits up so I owe him a lot. When we finally got to the mountain hut, everybody had already been there ages and they all clapped for us which was lovely of them and made me feel like I could finally relax and that people weren’t mad at me which I thought they might have been. We relaxed for a while and Catherine and Sam made tea. We had the same as last night to eat. Currently, I’m sitting at a big bench outside of the hut with Jacob, Izzy, Jemma, Lauren, Jasmine, Louis, Joe, Slaven and Miss Morris. This evening has been really good, people have just been chatting and we’ve acted like a proper team today which has been nice. My role today was safety which I didn’t think I did well at considering the circumstances but Margaret told me that by having to walk slowly, I was making others walk slowly which was a good safety aspect.

Sunday 11th July - 6:08am, Novigrad campsite, Croatia

When we finally arrived here in Croatia, we queued up for passport control where I got my passport stamped (yay!) We collected our baggage but mine and Natalie’s sleeping mats were missing and Louis’ bag was too. Joe and a few others immediately started ranting at us about it and telling me and Natalie not to mention the fact that our mats had gone missing which really annoyed me because he had no right to say that and I was allowed to be annoyed about it. I didn’t mention it much anyway because Louis was trying to find out about his bag and I was just staying out of the way of Joe who was in a pretty bad mood. I figured it wasn't very important to report a lost sleeping mat anyway. Our tour guide tried to sort out Louis' bag but it was still in Heathrow so he arranged for it to be put on the next flight over. Miss Morris told me that we’d be stopping at a supermarket where we’d probably be able to buy new sleeping mats anyway so I got over it pretty quickly. Once we’d sorted out the problems we changed some money and got on the coach - this time also accompanied by our tour guide Slaven. I was also a bit annoyed that people who hadn’t had any problems happen to them were in a worse mood than people that had and kept trying to start stupid arguments in the airport and for a while on the coach. It was a relief to sit by myself next to the window and just drift into my own world for a while to relax and ignore the people arguing behind me.

Those sorting out the shopping list called me over because apparently they needed my input because I’m vegetarian. I gave my input but they wouldn’t let me sit back down so I had to sit through a ridiculous amount of arguing before I just gave up and moved back to my seat regardless. We stopped off at a supermarket called Plodine to buy food for Saturday and Sunday where Natalie and I went to get sleeping mats (mine’s pink) and we all then sat outside and waited while the others argued their way around the supermarket and took forever even though they had a shopping list. I tried talking to Margaret in the supermarket but she seems really unreluctant to talk to any of us at all really. We then arrived at our campsite about half an hour later. We spent forever putting up tents while Jasmine and Louis made us tea. It only took us so long because we were in the dark due to our delayed flight and the amount of time spent at the supermarket. We were also all annoyed because some tent parts were missing (and in Louis’ bag…) and Margaret told us we had to put up the teachers’ tents too which we hadn’t expected and it didn’t seem fair - after all, we didn’t sign up to be slaves. After tea we had a group meeting (led by Margaret) and talked about jobs and similar stuff and I’m timekeeper for tomorrow (today technically). I got a bit upset before the meeting because I was just generally fed up and everybody was on edge…as well as the fact that I’d lost my mat and it just messed up the day a bit. If I slept last night, it must have only been for an hour or so. I was squashed in between Lauren and Natalie. Lauren kept saying stuff in her sleep everytime I moved and Natalie had her knee in my back. Lovely. Miss Morris had to put a bag next to our tent and it meant that I didn’t even fit properly in the tent. Great fun. Shannon, Izzy and some of the others went down to the beach in the evening and picked up 3 stalkers who came throwing stones at the tents so Miss Morris sat outside on watch for them, so nobody slept much then either.

Saturday 10th July - 1:30pm, plane to Croatia

We finally arrived in London at about 8:15pm yesterday. We also met a man in a World Challenge jeep who dropped off some kit we hadn’t received. We then went up to our rooms to look around and dump our bags. I was in room 27 on floor 2. I really didn’t manage to work the keys properly though. The one for my room door worked but the one for the corridor didn’t work at all. Shannon was next door in 26 and Jas was in 28. We all then went outside and had a meeting while sitting on the grass. Margaret divided up what we needed to do for our roles. Lauren, Izzy and Jemma went to work out which bus we needed to catch this morning while I went with Natalie to figure out who was in which room. Her and Jacob had to figure out fire escapes and stuff like that. Louis and Jasmine found somewhere to get tea.

There was a slight incident when the boys and Jasmine went to get their food without anyone knowing where they’d gone. The boys didn't seem bothered about the fact that some people hadn't eaten, but Jasmine seemed really upset that she hadn't realised. I think so far, this is the only thing that's happened to annoy people slightly. It was all sorted pretty easily though, although we did get told that we couldn't eat inside the actual restaurant so we had to stand outside.

When we got back to our rooms all us girls ended up hanging out in Lauren’s room and it was nice to just talk and get to know each other. I expected that we would feel awkward but we didn’t and Natalie and I ended up staying in Lauren’s room on the floor. I know I was definitely uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping in a room by myself. Catherine and Jemma went back to their own rooms while Shannon, Jasmine and Izzy all stayed in Shannon’s. I didn’t really sleep much but I think I slept enough. I knew I wouldn’t sleep well anyway so I was prepared for that.

This morning we were up for 6:45am and I had to wake everyone up because nobody else got up on time. I went round knocking on doors. There was a walk of about 10 minutes with all of our luggage to the bus stop. The bus journey was about half an hour long and Chris had to pay for my fare because I only had a ten pound note. There was a mix up when the bus driver didn’t put it through twice so I had to ask for fare and he then told me Chris had already paid - despite the fact that he hadn’t put it through twice. Ugh. I’m so socially awkward… We then had to lug it all through Heathrow to Terminal 1. Once we’d checked in we hung around for a while, divided up money then went to get lunch. The flight was delayed so we all got quite bored trying to guess when our gate would appear. Once it did, we made our way to gate 50 and waited a bit before we could actually board the plane. I’m in 27C, though I was supposed to be in 27A but I swapped with Chris because I didn’t want the window seat. So far, Jacob has kept us amused and we’ve been laughing at random Croatian words such as “pet slaps” (five waterfalls) and the fact that he demanded I write “shpoon” in here. We’ve been laughing at his Top Gear alternative highway code. I’ve also been talking to a random woman whose daughter is doing a World Challenge to Ecuador next year. She kind of watched me writing then struck up a conversation when I paused. I also got a special vegetarian meal which is basically a weird salad - the woman who gave me it called me Rachel Eliza, which is also what my boarding pass says. Weird…

Friday 9th July - 7:49pm, coach, 50 minutes away

Not much going on. Jasmine is listening to my iPod and says I can charge it so as not to waste the battery once we get to Brunel University. Something tells me this probably won’t happen and that we'll both forget, but I don’t mind. People are still passing magazines around and Oliver and Joe are having a naff backseat fight at the moment. I didn’t think I’d challenge my insecurities before we’d even got to Croatia, but it’s not a bad thing. We've been talking about how much we love Enrique Iglesias after Jasmine found some of his songs on my iPod.

Friday 9th July - 6:30pm, coach near Leicester

Just had 20 minutes at the services. Went to the toilet with Jemma and Lauren then went to Starbucks with those and Izzy then to WH Smiths. I had to check that everyone on my coach had their passport and Chris has to do the same for his coach. Spirits are still good, but I think that everybody is a bit apprehensive about what’s ahead. Jasmine rung her dad and asked him if he could bring us some tea - apparently he lives near Brunel University. Jemma seems a bit down because she lost her sandwiches and because of her diabetes I think it worried her. I’m annoyed a bit about the wind from the sun roof and Louis and Joe are a bit loud but otherwise all is good.

I think the expedition will be good for me and I’m hoping I’ll come back feeling refreshed and at peace with some stuff that has bothered me a lot this year (Beth, Zoe etc). I’ve visited Helen in hospital three times this week and I feel OK with going away now. I was kind of dreading going away because it felt typical that somebody I care about would be seriously ill just before I was due to leave and I worried that it might become so serious I couldn’t go. She’s recovering fine and should be out very soon. I saw Grandad and he’s OK and Jude is getting better now as well.


Despite my concerns I feel like I’m getting along with people fine - especially Lauren which is a complete surprise. She’s really nice and we have quite a lot in common. Jasmine is really nice too and Izzy seems very down to earth. I chatted to Catherine before we left and I get along with her too - she’s a bit dizzy and blonde but it makes her fun to be around. Izzy is keeping us entertained with loads of stories at the moment seen as the TV doesn’t work. People seem quieter now we’re into the final part of the journey to London. Lauren has also surprised me with how much she knows about stuff. We all keep checking that everybody is OK and it’s almost like a weird Big Brother style thing. I think the quiet is because people are bored. We also don’t know each other that well yet either so we don’t have much to talk about.


Update: Passing around magazines, Lauren wants Louis Spence to be her best friend, we’re also about an hour and a half away.

Friday 9th July - 4:30pm, coach to London (near Meadowhall)

Went into school at about 1:45 to have my bag checked. I had to empty it which was kind of annoying but I managed to get everything back in and some group kit as well. We were all a bit annoyed because we hadn’t been told we’d have to split all of the group kit into our bags which we ended up having to do. Margaret filled out medical cards about us and asked if anything in our personal life might affect us during the trip. Miss Bolton then came and we talked through and decided on the rules for the trip. We decided on group roles and I’m “Checkspert” with Chris until midnight tomorrow. Before we left, I went with Jemma to get some pens and pencils from Mr Jarvis in tech to take with us and I managed to slip and fall over before we’d even left school.

Some people got emotional when we left (Jas, Lauren, Natalie) and although I didn’t actually cry, I definitely got close. We’re on two coaches - I’m on the one with Louis, Joe, Izzy, Oliver, Jasmine, Jemma, Lauren, Natalie, Mr Parkinson and Miss Morris. Margaret, Chris, Jacob, Sam and Catherine are on the other coach.

So far spirits are good although people are a bit emotional. It’s quite hard to hear much on the coach because the sun roof is open but it’s OK. I’m trying to get used to the idea that we’re going away but it’s quite hard - it hasn’t really sunk in yet.

Tuesday 21 September 2010

Seventeen

I turned seventeen on Saturday and, so far, it's 100% the same as being sixteen except I now have the added pressure of when I want to learn to drive to deal with. Fun. Being seventeen isn't that bad though, just as sixteen wasn't all that bad either.

College is going well thus far, there are less fun parts but I don't want to focus on them much (or at all, really), because I'm trying to be optimistic. It's strange, because there are certain people who always worried to me about the fact that they didn't want to lose friends at college - yet they're the people who never spend time with their school friends anymore - and then there are people like me, who got to the point where they didn't really care much anymore as long as college was OK to deal with. Despite this, I've found myself socialising with people who I was always friendly with, but never classed as my friends...and I really like that fact.

In school, I always found it very hard to socialise in large groups, yet somehow I find it reasonably easy to integrate myself into groups of at least ten people. I counted seventeen of us last week...now to me, that's pretty mad, but it's actually quite fun. We've found a place to 'claim as our own' and I think it's actually helped me to feel like I'm settling in - because it's somewhere that I can go to. It's our little 'base' and we like it...even though it's some floor space in the entrance to B block. But never mind...

College staff ramble on in every assembly about how college is such a social environment, and I never used to believe it...but I do now. It's fun getting to talk to people who I barely knew four weeks ago (or people that I didn't know at all...) - there are two people I know in my Psychology class, one girl who I went to prom with but never spoke to much and one who I've never really spoken to at all...ever... I sit with the girl who I went to prom with (Beth) and two girls who are from different schools (Kerry and Talor), and even though we've only been doing it for about four weeks, I love it. We all get along really well and we work incredibly well as a team even though we barely know eachother. Aspects like that make the day bearable, and Psychology is often one of the highlights (as is the bus journey, but I think that deserves its own post one day...)

Over the summer, I'd forgotten how much I actually do enjoy to learn new things, so college is quite interesting at the moment because all of my subjects except one are completely different to GCSE or anything learnt in school. Psychology is the subject that I'd secretly always thought I'd drop at the end of Y12, but it's now one I've actually considered for university. It's strange how much things have changed over the past four weeks. Admittedly, I'm struggling a little in Spanish at the moment because of how different it is to GCSE, so I'm probably going to have to talk to my teacher about it, which I'm kind of dreading. I know I'll feel worse about it if I don't though, so it'll probably be worth it.

Besos
Rachel

PS: I saw a girl with an actual Tim Minchin canvas bag in the Pre-Drivers course this morning. I can't even express how much that made my morning. And yes, I'm still obsessed with him... I got two of his DVDs and two of his CDs for my birthday :D


Friday 17 September 2010

Enriched

I joined a choir today. It's not world changing news, but it's pretty big for me. As a follow up to my 'Should' post, once I heard that the head of music at college wanted to start one, I decided to join. I've secretly wanted to be a part of a choir for a long time now, years even.

It all started when I first watched Gareth Malone's choir series. I had previously been part of three 'choirs' when I was in school pantomimes but they were never proper choirs and the people there never really wanted to be there. I once featured in the school's Christmas concert at the local church, which was a pretty cool experience but again, most others in it didn't really want to be.

Our first rehearsal was pretty fun, we sung Run by Snow Patrol and Rob, the 'choirmaster', told us he thought we sounded good - I got the impression that he was pleasantly shocked by us all... It felt pretty good to be singing with a bunch of people who I knew weren't just judging me - that's the big difference between this and high school, everybody is there by choice, everybody is that bit more mature. It amused me that both of my English teachers were there, as well as a French teacher who stood next to me and kept chatting to me randomly. We're singing Panis Angelicus next week...interesting.

I also got invited back to the school open evening to 'man' a World Challenge stand, and of course, I accepted. It amuses me greatly how I'm still the most reliable team member, even though I've left. But to be honest, I want to go so I can see people again. That, and I love talking about my World Challenge expedition, so of course I'd want to. I also got asked if I was interested in speaking at a conference about my World Challenge experience. I said that I would if I was needed. I know that nobody else will want to, and I'm sure it'll look pretty good on my CV or university applications. That, and I don't want to say no to things just because I know it's a bit nerve-wracking. Asking myself if I should or shouldn't is something that I do a lot, and I'm still trying to say 'go for it' more than 'probably not going to bother'.

And finally, I'm also joining the college's Amnesty International group. Myself and two friends went to the welcome meeting on Wednesday and it was really eye opening. We'll be running a two day campaign in October (or November, my brain's a little fuzzy on the details) on the Niger Delta issue they're currently campaigning for. Please check out what they do here: http://www.amnesty.org/

One last thing: I know I've been a rubbish blogger recently, I'm going to try much harder to get up to speed with it. The summer project is currently on hold until I next have a holiday. It's my birthday tomorrow, so I probably won't have much to blog about then...I'll be too busy celebrating :P

Besos
Rachel


Wednesday 8 September 2010

New friends, old friends

I'll have been at college for one whole week tomorrow. It's odd knowing that, because it still feels like my first day everytime I turn up. It's been better than I expected, people are a lot friendlier than I anticipated and, thankfully, I have somebody to talk to in all of my classes except form/COPE...but that's not too bad anyway because there's a few of us who don't know anyone so we stick together like the loners we are :) (I hope you're getting the sarcasm in that...)

There's one thing about college that I'm so far LOVING - the fact that I'm spending time with people that I always liked in school but never got to spend much time with. The social aspect of college is something that I'm enjoying at the moment, I'm enjoying getting to know people who I always classed as 'friends', but was never particularly close to. I'm also getting to talk to a few new people who are friends of friends and it's nice to know somebody new for once.

As well as that, it's just nice to talk to completely new people in my lessons etc. There's someone in every lesson except English at the moment who I talk to who I didn't already know upon starting college. It's also kinda cool how the teachers just don't give a damn what they say... My media teacher really likes talking about sexual connotations to images...which, to be fair, is what we've been talking about for the past two lessons (connotations, not sex...), but it just amuses me how he'll just make random statements. There's also a boy in my class who reminds me of somebody who would, for instance, apply for 'Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum', but he's hilarious. It's like he has permanent word vomit...

The work isn't even that bad so far. Obviously I know that it's going to get harder, but at the moment I'm just settling into it and getting back into the mentality of working hard.

Yes, I'm aware that there's no point to this post, I just felt like writing it anyway.

I also know that I haven't done a summer project post, it's temporarily on hold until I'm less busy...

Besos
Rachel


Sunday 5 September 2010

Should

I started college on Thursday. It's a little bit odd and the free time is ridiculous in comparison to at school (3 hour lunch break on Friday...jeez!) but so far, it's pretty OK and I'm enjoying it. It has, however, got me thinking about my future, or more specifically, making the most of the present.

I've been going on for ages now about how the 5 years of high school passed stupidly quickly without me even realising or making the most of them. And unfortunately, I can't do anything to change that now. So I want college to be different. I want to thoroughly enjoy my time there, especially as we only have two years then I'll probably be going off to uni and will have to begin becoming a proper adult (scary...)

There are a few factors getting in the way of doing everything I want to. Money being the first, transport being the second, and time being the third. But instead of saying ''oh, we should go to *insert place here* at the weekend'', I think it's about time I actually started doing that. I'm beginning to form a list of things that I will do in the next two years in my head and I've also just finished booking tickets to see a comedian I like in October (front row seats, only £12!) I wanted to go to Tim Minchin with my friend Eliza, but it would be impossible to get back so we can't... However, that doesn't mean that I don't aim to see him within the next few years.

I always have random ideas that I think would be nice to do, but I never actually carry them out. I guess that the whole social environment of college has already affected me. Before I know it, college will be over and I'll have to start taking life a bit more seriously, get a job, really study etc - so why not have fun now, while there aren't as many pressures? Sure, there are AS/A2 Levels, but for the meantime, my education is free and I can afford to do things - I might not be able to do that once I'm at uni or in employment.

We only have a very short period of time at this age to do the things we really want to do while we're still young enough to do them, and I'm pretty sure that once I'm older I'll regret anything I don't do. I mean, why should we settle for only wanting things, why shouldn't we make them happen too?

Anyway, I'll be back later for the next installment of my summer project blog - I'm going to take the rabbit for a walk now (yes, you did read that correctly).

Besos
Rachel


Saturday 4 September 2010

Not Perfect

Nobody could ever explain it better...
Not Perfect - Tim Minchin

"This is my Earth
And I live in it
It’s one third dirt
And two thirds water
And it rotates and revolves through space
At rather an impressive pace
And never even messes up my hair
And here’s the really weird thing
The force created by its spin
Is the force that stops the chaos flooding in

This is my Earth
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my country
And I live in it
It’s pretty big
And nice to walk on And the bloke who runs my country
Has built a demagoguery
And tought us to be fearful and boring
And the weirdest thing is that he is
Conservative of politics
But really rather radical of eyebrow

This is my country
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my house
And I live in it
It’s made of cracks
And photographs
We rent it off a guy who bought it from a guy
Who bought it from a guy
Whose grandad left it to him
And the weirdest thing is that this house
Has locks to keep the baddies out
But they’re mostly used to lock ourselves in

This is my house
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
It’s not perfect
But it's mine

This is my body
And I live in it
It’s 31
And 6 months old
It’s changed a lot since it was new
It’s done stuff it wasn’t built to do
I often try to fill it up with wine
And the weirdest thing about it is
I spend so much time hating it
But it never says a bad word about me

This is my body
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my brain
And I live in it
It’s made of love
And bad song lyrics
It’s tucked away behind my eyes
Where all my screwed up thoughts can hide
Cos God forbid I hurt somebody
And the weirdest thing about a mind
Is that every answer that you find
Is the basis of a brand new cliché

This is my brain
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
It’s not perfect
I’m not quite sure I’ve worked out how to work it
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
"

I highlighted the last three lines of the second to last paragraph/stanza/verse of that. It's the part of the song that always jumps out at me every time I listen to it. Firstly because it's a bit confusing. Because yes, thinking about it, every answer that you find is the basis of a brand new cliché. But then the confusing part comes when I get amused and realise that that thought in itself is a cliché. It also always jumps out at me because the whole song is full of clichés, and all the way through we hear them and start to believe they're right. I still think they all are, I've never been the sort of person to stop believing something just because it's clichéd.

And now, to bed.

Besos
Rachel