Wednesday 28 July 2010

Don't Talk To Strangers

That's a message we all learn when we're little and for some of us - it carries through as we get older too. But recently I've found myself pondering whether or not we should follow this rule throughout our lives or whether it's actually a good thing to talk to strangers every once in a while.

Take this morning for example. As we do every week, me, my mum, my brother and my grandma went to Sainsbury's for the weekly food shop. To sum it up briefly: it was dull. Until when we went to the checkout, that is. Normally we're served by somebody who looks and acts as if the world is against them, but today we were served by somebody who - shock horror - actually wanted to have a conversation with us.

He wasn't particularly interesting in that he told us about his interests - because he didn't do that - but he was friendly and he laughed and joked with us as we packed up our shopping and paid. The truth is - he was welcome relief from the monotony of shopping over here. He may enjoy his job, he may not, but my guess is that he understands the difference between enjoying something...and being friendly and humane.

When I was in Croatia I met a random guy halfway down the mountain who stopped and talked to me and two others for about ten minutes while he waited for the people he was with. He was also friendly and asked us about our trip and how long we were there for etc. He told us it had been a pleasure talking to us and that he hoped he'd bump into us again at the campsite we all happened to be staying at. We didn't - but that's not the point. The point is that it's refreshing to talk to people who actually want to have a conversation with you.

Fair enough not talking to strangers when you're a child or perhaps even as a teenager, but I can't help but believe that it's actually a good idea to indulge yourself in a conversation with someone you've never met before and will probably never see again every once in a while. Obviously, there's a fine line between that and establishing regular contact with complete strangers, but that's another post entirely...

Besos
Rachel

Monday 26 July 2010

Therapy, Tidying, Perspective

There's something very therapeutic about tidying, isn't there? I always find that an hour or so spent clearing out old junk and tidying the remains clears my mind way more effectively than most other ways of doing it. Since coming back from Croatia (are you starting to get sick of hearing that line yet?...) I've found that my mind itself is much more tidied than it was when I left.

For instance, stupid things that mattered to me before no longer matter at all. I feel like I've achieved peace of mind on matters that I should never have let bother me as much as they did. At the end of the day, things happen whether we want them to or not. People do things and say things that affect us in both good and bad ways - but is it really worth spending days, weeks, or even months being hung up over them? I kind of used to believe it was. Deep down I knew it was stupid spending so much time on it but I never had that thing within me that just said "OK, enough is enough, get over it now." Perhaps I should have done...

When you've climbed a mountain and kayaked across the sea despite breathing problems and a fear of deep water (more specifically...falling/being plunged into deep water), you begin to realise that these things really are not important. You even start to realise just how much time you wasted - which isn't much fun but it's good to get a handle on things.

I can't really say "if you want to get a good perspective on things, sign up to World Challenge, raise the funds and go on an expedition" because it's not exactly a practical solution to all of your problems. But, I suppose what I can say is that if you get the opportunity to do something you'd never dream of doing - do it, because it will teach you the exact opposite of what you expect. That sounds a bit crazy, I know, but for me - that was exactly what I needed. I expected lots from the expedition but I never expected to achieve peace of mind with things that I always imagined I'd never understand...

But that's also the point - I've realised that you don't need to understand everything in this world to appreciate it or enjoy it. I don't understand how I managed to climb a mountain and kayak across the sea - but I am beyond proud of myself because I did it. I don't understand how I managed to spend 8 days away from home in a foreign country but I know that somehow, I did, and that's all I need to know. I always used to waste time searching for the meaning in absolutely everything...but I kind of wonder now what the point in that actually is. I never, ever, found the meaning and I spent ages trying to - so why not just leave things as they are and just enjoy them? It makes much more sense to me.

I suppose the link between "Therapy, Tidying, Perspective" is that a) Croatia was very therapeutic in ways I never realised or imagined it was; b) my life is much more tidied and in order since I've come home and I like that fact (a lot) and c) I now have a good perspective on things. And now I'm rambling, so I'll sign off now...

Besos
Rachel

Tuesday 20 July 2010

Boundaries

Friendships tend to have their limits. A friend can only act so badly before you lose it with them and cause a fuss and there are limits to how badly you can act with them too, right?

With girls, it's often harder because we're not the easiest of people to handle and we often say things we don't mean but that can have massive impacts on existing friendships. With boys, it's often easier because arguments are forgotten within a few hours and nobody bears a grudge. The problem seems to occur when there isn't an actual argument - when friends start to get very irritated with other friends in secret and don't act on their feelings.

I'm incredibly guilty of this as I always do it. I don't like causing a fuss and I don't like my other friends to be affected by my mess. I suppose this makes a lot of sense, but things start to make less sense when everybody in a friendship circle starts getting annoyed with one or two people in secret and don't act on their feelings...

But what do you do? You can't exactly all act on it and just be brutally honest (and equally harsh) to this person or people because then they'll effectively end up with no friends and the friendship circle will be in complete turmoil. But then of course there are limits, and if certain people aren't observing these limits fairly then something should be done, shouldn't it? I know I'd want my friends to tell me if I was acting out of character or compromising our friendship, so why do I find it so hard to do the same to my friends?

I suppose part of it is that I've learnt by now that some people don't change, no matter how many times you tell them that they're making you feel unhappy or uncomfortable and that you need to talk to them and work things out. This is a lesson I keep learning over and over again, unfortunately. Tonight though, I've realised that I actually don't care anymore. I don't care how ridiculously certain people act around me or my friends because they're not going to change and if they don't care about my opinions, why should I care so much about what they do? If they valued the friendship then surely they'd listen and have faith that when they get advice - it's because we care, not just because we want to interfere.

I suddenly feel very prioritised. Since coming back from Croatia, my life seems to be straightening out and things are making sense by themselves - without me having to search and search for the answers. At the end of the day, there are way too many amazing moments in life that can be missed out on by letting others drag you down, so why not just live them and forget about the stuff that could be ruining things? People will always be walking in and out of our lives and as much as it hurts, it's for the best. For every bad person leaving, there's always a good person waiting to be let in...

Besos
Rachel

Constellations - Jack Johnson

The light was leaving
In the west it was blue
The children's laughter sang
And skipping just like the stones they threw
Their voices echoed across the way
Its getting late

It was just another night
With a sunset
And a moonrise not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to papas translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

The west winds often last too long
The wind may calm down
Nothing ever feels the same
Sheltered under the Kamani tree
Waiting for the passing rain
Clouds keep moving to uncover the scene
Stars above us chasing the day away
To find the stories that we sometimes need
Listen close enough
All else fades
Fades away

It was just another night
With a sunset
And a moonrise not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to all the translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

(I don't usually just post lyrics on here, but if you read my last post then read these lyrics you might understand why I've chosen to do that today.)

Besos
Rachel

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

An alternative title to this post would be 'Missing', because I am. I miss absolutely everything about Croatia and the experience I lived through.

I miss the complete sense of adventure that was constant and empowering. I've never been an adventurous person but looking back on the trip, I realise now that I LOVED the feeling that each day was going to bring a new adventure and I enjoyed looking back on the day remembering the various adventures we'd all had. It was exciting knowing that I was completely at one with nature but not really caring or needing to care.

I miss having 16 people to talk to 24/7 about anything and everything whenever I wanted. Considering the fact that I barely knew anybody before the trip, I feel like I really got close to people whilst we were there and I miss talking to new people a lot and finding out things about them all. We never talked about anything that made much sense usually but when we got time to ourselves on the buses we had really deep conversations and I loved that.

I miss the campfire we had on the last wild campsite night more than anything else right now. I remember closing my eyes for a second and honestly knowing that there was nowhere else on earth I would rather be and if I could go back to that night I definitely would without a shadow of a doubt.

I expected that World Challenge would change me. I expected that I'd grow up a bit and feel a bit different but I never expected that I'd miss the physical aspects of it or the fact that we were just outside all of the time. Now I'm home, I want to go out and do things and spend my time being fulfilled. Teachers always told me to believe in myself and that I could do anything etc and I never believed them (despite the fact that my grades proved I could...) until now. I have climbed a mountain and kayaked across the sea - I can do anything I set my mind to. I was talking to a girl called Shannon whilst we were there who said she felt like she'd got her drive back and I feel like I have too. It's like suddenly there are a million and one things I want to do and I just need to figure out how to set about doing them.

More than anything though, I've realised that there's a big world out there and I want to see as much of it as I can - and when I get the chance, nobody is going to stop me. I want to meet people and experience things in a similar way to how I did in Croatia. I want to know people like Slaven who were interesting and had incredible stories to share. I want to see sights such as the waterfall we saw at the Zrmanja River and feel the icy cold water over and over again.

I think I now have ambition that I was perhaps lacking in before the expedition. So, right now I'm sitting, waiting and wishing on what my future holds and how I can make it all happen. My food/business teacher told me she didn't need to wish me luck because I make my own, and I kind of believe her...

Besos
Rachel

Monday 19 July 2010

Croatia

I am now home from the expedition to Croatia and have so many things I want to be able to write on here and express to whoever reads this that it's almost unbelievable.

For those who don't know what World Challenge is, click here. My school signed up for it about 18 months ago and those who decided to take part had to raise a minimum of £1095 each in order to be able to go. The fundraising was hideously tough and seemed to take years, rather than months. However, finally, on Friday 9th July 2010, 14 CHS pupils, 2 members of staff and our World Challenge leader set off from school at around 4pm and made our way down to Brunel University where we stayed the night before catching our flight from Heathrow the next morning.

Once actually in Croatia, we met our AMAZING tour guide Slaven who stuck with us all week and was definitely responsible for helping to make our experience as incredible as it was. We had a few slight problems once we landed in Split Airport when mine and another girl's camping mats went missing and one boy's bag didn't turn up (he got it back on the Wednesday), but once we were on the coach and headed to our first campsite in Novigrad everybody calmed down and began to take in the beautiful scenery around us.

The Novigrad campsite was the most decent of the two public campsites we stayed in, it had proper toilets, sinks, showers and a communal kitchen to cook in which was a relief to us all. On day 3 we went sea kayaking on the Adriatic Coast (I think) and we also kayaked to the mouth of the Zrmanja river where we spent a few hours swimming and sunbathing in the water. It was freezing cold though it was welcomed eagerly because of how boiling hot we all were. We then moved onto the second public campsite at Starigrad where we stayed for the night and the next morning we began our trek up to the mountain hut in the Paklenica National Park.

I struggled with the two days uphill trekking mostly due to dehydration which meant I had breathing problems. This, combined with the fact that for some reason I frequently had panic attacks, meant that I didn't really enjoy the majority of those two days. On the third day of trekking we came back down the mountain and back to the Starigrad campsite. I was thankful that I enjoyed that day much more than the others and even became involved in what felt like a mountain rescue operation when one girl in our team became faint and I had to walk solidly for 20 minutes in boiling sun with my 65 litre rucksack to get help for her.

We then moved on to the first of two wild campsites. It was surrounded by goats which amused us and we had a proper toilet and tables up at a house that we could use so we actually had seats for the first time since, well, Heathrow really. We then kayaked on the Zrmanja River and to the mouth of the Krupa River and our belongings got transported to the second wild campsite where we joined them at around 3pm. The second wild campsite was everybody's favourite and was one of my highlights of the trip. At night time, Slaven got his guitar out and we sat round the campfire toasting marshmallows while he played and sang for us. I could never put into words how amazing it was, but it was one of those moments where I just thought "there is no where else I would rather be right now than here".

The next day we kayaked to a destination where we got changed then had a bus journey back to Starigrad where we put tents up for the final time then went out for a group meal. We all chipped in to buy Slaven and our team leader Margaret a gift each. We bought Slaven a bandana because he lost his while kayaking with us and we bought Margaret a mug with a map of Croatia on it. Our last meal as a group was a lot of fun and everybody enjoyed it despite the fact that we were all pretty exhausted by that point.

Croatia really was a once in a lifetime experience and I would definitely do something similar again in a few years. I learnt so much about myself over 8 days than I would have done in 8 years and the sense of accomplishment you get once you get up and down the mountain and across the sea and back is immense. I feel like I genuinely have changed and I've come home with this feeling that I can do absolutely anything I set my mind to, no matter how hard or how big the challenge is.

I could never put into words how amazing the time spent in Croatia was. I watched a girl eat a pine cone; sung songs around a campfire; fell out of a kayak twice within five minutes AND won an award for it; laughed like I've never laughed before; spent long periods of time with people I barely knew but have grown to love and miss now I'm not around them; and most importantly, I achieved more than I ever believed I could. There are lots of things I miss already. I miss Slaven and his interesting stories; I miss Jemma and Sam singing every song under the sun 24/7; I miss campfire time at the end of the day and I definitely miss Catherine and her blonde moments. All I can say is that anybody who gets offered the opportunity to do a World Challenge expedition should take it and never look back - because every single bad moment spent fundraising or preparing for it is more than worth the experience you have.

I owe massive thanks to World Challenge, Huck Finn (the tour company), Slaven, Margaret, the two teachers who came with us and kept us entertained when they got slightly drunk during the last meal and of course our amazing team. I really couldn't have done it without their support.

Poljupci
Rachel

Thursday 8 July 2010

World Challenge

I know it's been a while since I posted on here...and it's going to be a while before I post again. Tomorrow I leave for my expedition to Croatia and I return on the 17th. July is going to be a bad month for blogging, but I'm sure you won't miss me much...

Whilst I'm away I'll probably be speaking mangled Croatian, trying to avoid beans for tea again, trekking and kayaking (though I don't much like water, so that should be interesting). I cannot believe we go tomorrow, it's quite insane how quickly it's come since I signed up almost 18 months ago.

Once I get back I can finally start 'The Summer Project' which I plan to blog about often, and I'll definitely be back to regular posting on here once World Challenge is no more (sad face).

Hope you all have a great week. I'll probably be back on here next Sunday (18th) with a full account of the expedition. Or, if not, at least a short mention - I might be too tired to do a full mention. Anyway, I'll be posting all about it once I get back.

Poljupci

Rachel

Friday 2 July 2010

College

Induction day was, well, as expected really. My form is more decent than I thought it would be but my tutor seems to take hours to say something that most people would say in a minute. There were two girls I chatted to while we were on our tour who seemed nice - they're both friends of friends...sort of. Lunchtime was pretty hideous as we got subjected to ''New College's Got Talent" which involved a nerdy guy singing too loudly, a group of breakdancers who tripped over the curtain each time they entered/left the stage and a guy solving a rubix cube and juggling badly - we left before the end. I also spent about an hour queueing for my student ID photo next to a guy in my form who is loud, annoying and didn't shut up.

English language was pretty dull, we just talked about adverbs, verbs, adjectives, literary techniques and nouns - how fun! I did learn what 'sibilance' is though, so that's something. I sat next to a girl who told me she liked my homemade bracelets but I know three people in the class so that was good. Spanish was a bit dull but I know three people in there too. We got set two rather large pieces of homework so I wasn't very impressed with that but I can just use some of my GCSE stuff for part of it so it won't be that bad.

Psychology was the highlight of the day. I was in with a girl I know and also a boy I know. We got split into groups and had to read about 1960s (approximately) psychological study methods and answer questions such as ''why is this unethical?'' The teacher seemed OK and he seemed impressed at the answers me and the other girl came up with so I'm looking forward to starting it in September. Media was also a little dull and I also arrived late due to the fact that psychology and media are at completely opposite ends of the campus and we ran over in psychology. Ugh. Anyway, it was OK but didn't really give me a decent idea of what it's going to be like. Oh well...

The bus driver was an idiot on the way home but overall I think I survived my first proper college bus experience. I know plenty of people catching that bus so it should be fine once September comes around. I also saw somebody who works at school but is also working at college full time from September, so that was quite odd because it was just really weird seeing him there randomly.

I don't think I'm going to like my college form as much as my high school one, and I definitely won't like my college tutor as much as my high school one (no where near...) - but I'm going to have to continually remind myself that my new one's role is different to my old one. I'd have preferred induction to have been before prom, because it reminded me even more that school is over and I was already really feeling that already. I also have Croatia this time next week, and time just feels to be going way too fast. Ugh. I need a holiday (which, for the record, Croatia definitely isn't...)

Besos
Rachel

Thursday 1 July 2010

Prom

About an hour ago I sat down at my laptop and began uploading photos from tonight - prom night. It's absolutely mad that it's already over, but I had such an amazing time tonight anyway.

My dress was red and throughout the evening I kept hearing people going "ooh I like the red, suits her". That was quite odd because I don't normally tend to attract attention from, well, anybody really. Everybody looked incredible in their dresses and suits, though it was tough continually making sure I didn't stand on the skirt of anybody's dress all evening...


The night didn't get off to a great start, people started eating as soon as we went in so we all mostly sat around for about an hour talking and taking photos. We had some professional ones taken by the photographer that Eliza rather liked and chatted to our form tutor (well, some of us anyway) then went and sat down again. This tended to be how it worked for about an hour.


Then, finally, Danny got everybody up and dancing for a while (even though I can't dance). Some of the dan
cing highlights were:
- Watching 'The Newse', our head of year and another teacher doing the Macarena. The wiggly hips were hilarious...

- Watching one girl dancing with, well, everybody whilst her dress was slipping down (the dress wasn't the highlight, the dancing was - it was mental)
- Dancing with Lucy to Hero by Enrique Iglesias as it had been requsted by Danny (and me, but he went and actually did it)

I don't have much else to say other than that I'm incredibly sad that tonight was the last time our year will ever really be together. So instead, I'll leave you with a collage of pictures taken tonight. I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed.



Besos
Rachel