I think too much

The title pretty much sums up my entire post, but I should probably at least attempt to explain it a little, seen as it's pretty blunt.

It's true though, I do, and I really should think about figuring out how to stop it (ha!). My thoughts on this stem from a conversation I had with my tutor on Friday morning, it went a bit like this:
Tutor: "OK then, what is it you want to tell me?"
Me: "Well, I feel like I should probably explain why I generally tend to work too much."
Tutor: "OK..."
Me: "I think it's because..."
And I'm not going to explain the rest, mostly because I can't remember how the rest of the conversation went up until it started going into how I was bullied at high school for a while and I realised it had taken a slightly unwanted direction. Though, just for the record/to clarify, the bullying thing hasn't really affected me long term.

The conversation basically went into my theory as to why I spend so much time working when I probably don't need to. Teachers have always described it as me being ''conscientious'', which has always been accurate, but I think there's something else to it. If I look back on the periods of time I've spent working the most, it's always been when I've been really uncomfortable with friendship problems or the social aspect of whatever I'm going through at the time. To me, that only suggests one thing.

My tutor did actually agree with me that my reasoning probably is why I work too much, so I'm not just being mental and making stuff up. I mean, it's helpful to be able to put a label on it and be able to explain it, rather than just being the idiot who spends too much time working and gets stressed. Ironically, it's mostly the people who mock me for being the 'nerd' that cause me to be the nerd, but that's another story entirely.

In other news, I had a realisation that creeped me out a bit a day or two ago. I realised that I no longer need my high school tutor, and I never thought I'd say that. That's not to say that I'll ever stop appreciating everything she's done for me and that I'm suddenly forgetting how much she's taught me about myself, but I don't...or at least not at the moment. For me, that's almost considered an achievement.

I'm also performing with the college choir again on Wednesday evening for Open Evening. Hopefully I won't be nervous because I wasn't last time, so I can't see why I would be this time.

I think one day I'm going to do a blog post entirely in Spanish. I told you I think too much...

Besos ♥
Rachel

"When your hope has been denied you, I will walk beside you, carry on." - Ben's Brother