As I begin typing, it is 00:16am, Saturday 10th September (mainly referred to as 'Party Day' in my household). In approximately 13 hours, I'm going to pick Rachel up from the train station. In fact, if her train isn't late, in 13 hours I will be with her. I don't even know where the train's coming from, I think she has to change at Sheffield possibly? It's Melton, Leicester, Derby, and after that I don't know. Anyway, as I just told Facebook (mainly because she will probably read it), I'm ridiculously excited to see her again. I'm also ridiculously nervous, because it has been four years. But still... :D
My half cousin also posted on Facebook ''bring on tomorrow night'' before midnight, and it made me smile to know that she's looking forward to it. Another relative has even booked Sunday off work because, in my grandma's words, he wants to enjoy it. Haha.
I get to see some of the Doncaster relatives tomorrow, and I'm ridiculously excited about that too. Fern has already told me that she wants to meet my great auntie Helen because I described her, quite simply, as one of those people that is just truly lovely. And she is.
Family is such an odd thing. In the past month or so, I've really found myself appreciating the family I still have - most probably because of things that have happened recently, but also because there some people who I feel honoured to know. I really want them all to enjoy themselves this evening, because it means something to see them happy.
Today was, by college standards, rather average. I had a free period first and used it to, shock horror (given my lack of time), continue re-reading Eleven. I was telling somebody yesterday that I ''never have time to read :('' and realised that there was no reason why I couldn't in my free...so I did. I also read during my free after lunch, although it was frequently interrupted by Sarah yelling ''NOOOOO, BIG ONION!" at the Shrek game on my iPod. All was forgiven when she 'spilled' the gossip she had ;)
Still no further in dealing with the budget issue of yesterday. Have refused to go back and try speaking to the same woman because I'm not in the mood to just be shouted at again. Moving on...
I had so many things that I wanted to write about today - the walk home from the bus stop was spent planning my next post, and then I couldn't breathe properly (that was fun...) and ended up driving to pick my mum up, so I completely forgot it all. But, I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about over the weekend ;) :)
PS: Am still reminding myself to be positive and still succeeding. Didn't even get annoyed at the girl in my English class saying she ''wanted to commit suicide'' because the teacher told her to stop talking when he was. People like that do wind me up, though.
Besos ♥
Rachel
Showing posts with label positivty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positivty. Show all posts
Saturday, 10 September 2011
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Positivity Challenge - Balancing the storm with the calm
I wasn't sure if I was serious about posting properly about the positivity challenge I've set myself, but I've been re-reading all of my past posts (which I wouldn't recommend you do all in one go, they all make for a pretty depressing read really) and the negativity in them has inspired me. Plus, I have something to report back on.
I've even changed my second TYSIC (click here if you don't get what that means) from ''have more optimism'' to ''be positive''. Let's face it, saying I needed ''more optimism'' implied that I had it in the first place, and I didn't. So, I've stuck it in the imperative and simplified it as much as possible. I have my positivty challenge, and am already repeating it to myself at least hourly.
Be positive.
The TYSIC is something that a lot of people have probably now abandoned, and most of my updates from the past year have been pretty negative - thus defeating the whole objective. For example...
Be positive.
Today I was faced with a pretty rubbish situation (my college is great at welcoming us back, you know) - oh no, I thought I could at least get through the week without wanting to scream at someone.
Basically, a member of staff lied to the Amnesty Group about getting a budget - the lie is one thing we're currently unsure of, but there was one. It could have been:
a) You have a budget this year;
b) You're getting a budget again next year;
c) There is no money for a budget;
or d) You never had a budget in the first place.
Either way, I know what was said and I know that the same person saying we didn't, also told me that we did, many times. If there's no money at all, that's fine, but implying that I'm stupid for ''thinking we did'' doesn't solve anything, it just digs deeper into my insecurities.
Be positive.
Anyway, I came away from that conversation shaking. I thoroughly despise adults who try and assert themselves by making you feel like a small child who has done something wrong. I could've, if I'd thought about it too much, cried. Instead, I told the member of staff who's in charge of us all, told Jade (the VP) and then talked to Zoe for a while before my mum picked me up. I stayed away from indulging my angry side in repeated conversations about how thoroughly annoyed I was. I repeated ''be positive'' to myself over and over and got on with my English/Psychology work.
I wanted to cry, I wanted to go running to Alison (the member of staff in charge of us all) and tell her how upsetting it was to be talked to in the manner I was. I didn't. It's not worth it. The member of staff who upset me probably didn't even realise how she was coming across - she's not a teacher and doesn't deal with anything related to student welfare in college. She was, apparently, ''very busy'' at the time which may explain a little of it. I was also busy, busy trying not to cry. But anyway...
Here's what I've realised: when college tell you that ''the first few weeks are VITAL'', they're not lying. They're not just trying to sound good or like they know what they're talking about...because they do know what they're talking about. Last year, I was upset in the first few weeks because I wasn't strong enough to deal with things, was used to the support of an amazing tutor, and had never been in such an overwhelming social environment. This year, I know what I can do, and what I need to do; I have friends who I love dearly and I have new friends that I am excited to get to know better; I have focus and I am NOT going to let myself slip back into what I can only describe as depression*.
Be positive.
From now on, I am:
- Going to write honestly about how the whole ''try and be positive'' thing is going;
- Going to appreciate the small things;
- Going to look for the little things that make it all worth it;
- Going to prove everybody wrong;
- Going to live.
Besos ♥
Rachel
* I say depression because a) after studying it a little in Psychology, I'm genuinely sure that's what it was and b) my mum also thinks it was
"Renacerás, no esperes más. Ahora, es el momento." - Ricky Martin - Te Vas (cringeworthy song, good motivation)
I've even changed my second TYSIC (click here if you don't get what that means) from ''have more optimism'' to ''be positive''. Let's face it, saying I needed ''more optimism'' implied that I had it in the first place, and I didn't. So, I've stuck it in the imperative and simplified it as much as possible. I have my positivty challenge, and am already repeating it to myself at least hourly.
Be positive.
The TYSIC is something that a lot of people have probably now abandoned, and most of my updates from the past year have been pretty negative - thus defeating the whole objective. For example...
"Stressing about (ironically) the Psychology test on stress"
"STRESSING...That sums my life and TYSICs up very accurately."
"Going horribly due to bitchy girl in media"
"Somebody who I despise with a passion thinks she's funny and is trying to cyber bully me."Be positive.
Today I was faced with a pretty rubbish situation (my college is great at welcoming us back, you know) - oh no, I thought I could at least get through the week without wanting to scream at someone.
Basically, a member of staff lied to the Amnesty Group about getting a budget - the lie is one thing we're currently unsure of, but there was one. It could have been:
a) You have a budget this year;
b) You're getting a budget again next year;
c) There is no money for a budget;
or d) You never had a budget in the first place.
Either way, I know what was said and I know that the same person saying we didn't, also told me that we did, many times. If there's no money at all, that's fine, but implying that I'm stupid for ''thinking we did'' doesn't solve anything, it just digs deeper into my insecurities.
Be positive.
Anyway, I came away from that conversation shaking. I thoroughly despise adults who try and assert themselves by making you feel like a small child who has done something wrong. I could've, if I'd thought about it too much, cried. Instead, I told the member of staff who's in charge of us all, told Jade (the VP) and then talked to Zoe for a while before my mum picked me up. I stayed away from indulging my angry side in repeated conversations about how thoroughly annoyed I was. I repeated ''be positive'' to myself over and over and got on with my English/Psychology work.
I wanted to cry, I wanted to go running to Alison (the member of staff in charge of us all) and tell her how upsetting it was to be talked to in the manner I was. I didn't. It's not worth it. The member of staff who upset me probably didn't even realise how she was coming across - she's not a teacher and doesn't deal with anything related to student welfare in college. She was, apparently, ''very busy'' at the time which may explain a little of it. I was also busy, busy trying not to cry. But anyway...
Here's what I've realised: when college tell you that ''the first few weeks are VITAL'', they're not lying. They're not just trying to sound good or like they know what they're talking about...because they do know what they're talking about. Last year, I was upset in the first few weeks because I wasn't strong enough to deal with things, was used to the support of an amazing tutor, and had never been in such an overwhelming social environment. This year, I know what I can do, and what I need to do; I have friends who I love dearly and I have new friends that I am excited to get to know better; I have focus and I am NOT going to let myself slip back into what I can only describe as depression*.
Be positive.
From now on, I am:
- Going to write honestly about how the whole ''try and be positive'' thing is going;
- Going to appreciate the small things;
- Going to look for the little things that make it all worth it;
- Going to prove everybody wrong;
- Going to live.
Besos ♥
Rachel
* I say depression because a) after studying it a little in Psychology, I'm genuinely sure that's what it was and b) my mum also thinks it was
"Renacerás, no esperes más. Ahora, es el momento." - Ricky Martin - Te Vas (cringeworthy song, good motivation)
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