2011

I didn't write a post on NYE last year. Looking back through my archives, I just posted a piece of creative writing on the 29th then I didn't write again until late January. I wish I could remember why. I dug my old diary out last night to look over 2011's resolutions, but there was nothing between November 2010 and August 2011. But, from what I remember, at the time I didn't want to remember how life was. 

I achieved 19 things in 2011 that I set out to achieve at the beginning of the year. Sensible, logical targets such as 'pass all of my AS levels with As and Bs' were scattered amongst much more subjective targets such as 'see the good in everything'. Incidentally, I think these two are the two I'm most proud of.


So why, after not bothering last year, am I writing now? Listen to the link below - I hope you'll be able to figure it out for yourself.


Jamie Hartman - Happy New Year (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIF89M07IWg&feature=player_embedded)


The new year is always anticipated with mixed emotions. In the days following Christmas, still in the run-up to the new year, I find that I tend to go a bit crazy. There's suddenly the realisation that the year is ending, and even though the whole world isn't going to end with it, the pressure to achieve always gets to me. Always.

“Say happy new year, ‘cause this is the end of all that was broken and you needed to mend. Let go of your fears, say happy new year. ‘Cause this is the start, start over new, and all that you wanted, all that you wanted, is coming to you. And you’re finally here, say happy new year.” I cannot begin to tell you how much those words have made me think in recent weeks. I think back to the beginning of the year and I remember how dark my head was...


January Exams, Fern's birthday, college magazine pressure, Amnesty Group pressure, Media coursework pressure (and can I please just say how awesome my friends were at helping me out with that - love you guys!), general life pressure, but then, a lot of memories too.

We reconnected with my dad's extended family after pretty much my entire lifetime at my Uncle Joe's 80th birthday party. We hugged, we caught up, sentences such as 'I have no idea who just hugged me' departed our lips but we didn't care. We were there, we were together, we were family. And throughout this whole year, I can honestly say that I have never stopped being thankful for this night.

That Media coursework I mentioned? Meet the cast and crew of You Call That News? My friends (L to R: Joe, Poppy, Eleanor, Danny [at table], Aiden, Eliza) were absolutely brilliant throughout the whole process of shooting, editing, re-shooting, photographing, covering a drama studio in newspaper and improvising after the lights wouldn't work. They were fantastic and funny, and I couldn't have been more thankful. Here is the actual advert, and here is the brilliant outtakes video I posted too. 

Friendship, in its purest form as far as we know, on Fern's birthday. There's also a shot of Eliza and I cutting out random shapes from coloured paper and Fern with her brilliant banner (as designed by Eliza in Photography class...) One thing we're all good at is deciding we must bring in food when it's somebody's birthday ;)

And then it was onto February, a month that generally seems to pass me by without me realising. It was a humbling month. February 16th will forever remain a poignant day in my memory. To Adam: I will never forget your composure that day, the way you came back to the stall and 'got on with it'. I admired you so much that day for how you dealt with everything that was going on.

March brought a fresh month, I recall. After the turbulence of February, it brought fun and new experiences. Poppy (hi, CT!) and I spent a day busking for Red Nose Day dressed as a hula girl and, well, I'm not sure what Poppy was. It was fun, it was liberating, and I'm thankful that nobody saw either of our rehearsals - one was spent sitting around her dining room table trying to choose songs we could half-sing, the other was spent sitting in my bedroom attempting to muster the enthusiasm to rehearse. This also brought a bus ride home on the college bus singing while Poppy played her ukulele. March was definitely Poppy's month, in my mind.

April was stressful. I remember being stupidly angry all month about pretty much everything. The 6th always sends me into meltdown, even though it really has no logical reason to, and this was coupled with several high-stress situations. We had the Amnesty handover meeting and I became President of the group, with the lovely but mental Jade was Vice President, Eleanor as Treasurer and Eliza as Press Officer. We said goodbye to Adam and Jonathan and looked forward to our future as a team.


May was massively stressful. The first anniversary of leaving school came and went without me really realising. We had exams and all the stress and pressure that comes with it. As you can probably appreciate, this left literally no time to think about taking pictures of anything...

Photo courtesy of the University of Leeds

Team Sheepish!

But June and July, they were so rich, so full of life, which is why I'm referring to them almost as one huge month. I went to Poland with Psychology and formed friendships that I hold so close to my heart as this year draws to a close. We visited Auschwitz and gained a perspective that the majority of society really is missing out on. We sat in Krakow's beautful Main Square and cried to each other as we cleansed ourselves of the emotion we had been holding onto. We ran around hunting down random objects for the big group quiz. We lost a member of staff who was apparently ''hiding in a bush''. Quite simply, we felt alive. That first picture on the left is one of my favourites - Jess framed it for me as a birthday present. From left to right: Jade, myself, Jess. I then got back and it didn't seem like two minutes before Sophie, James and I were heading off to 'language camp', otherwise known as Linguastars. What an amazing two days - so inspirational and perfect for language geeks like the three of us. 

I mainly remember spending August feeling completely anonymous in Perros-Guirec, France. It was refreshing knowing that nobody knew me. I had fun going in and out of French supermarkets (weirdo alert!) (Super U Tregastel was my favourite) and even visited La Perlerie in Dinan, which I would definitely recommend for people who make jewellery. My brother and I spent evenings watching Not Going Out DVDs and eating Milka chocolate. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing.

Now for 'The Big One'. September. My 18th birthday, the beginning of Y13 and my second/last year at college. What an amazing month. There are so many memories and small moments that I wish I could spend time explaining to you - the way it felt to see my friend Rachel again after 4 years, the love I felt at my party, the brilliant in-joke of my cousin requesting Pure and Simple by Hearsay for me, the awkwardness of Jade and Jess yelling ''OH MY GOD IT'S LOADED!" while I was being forced to make a speech... It was perfect. Some of the photos here were taken by Jess or on Jess' fancy camera. I own the crappy ones ;P September was also the month of singing lots of karaoke with Eleanor at Jade's 18th (we thankfully missed her stripping off...) and realising that we really didn't know the words to any of the songs we chose. It was the month of things going back to normal after the quiet of the summer and the stress of the exam season. It was a month for reflecting upon family and friends and it was a month of gratitude. I hope that everybody who attended my birthday knows how thankful I am - yes, even you, Jacob, but next time please don't try to abduct Keyana halfway through ;)


October and November were months of parties and getting stuck into college work properly. November was a bit rubbish, but we need not speak of that now. The whole friendship group attended Aiden's fancy dress 18th, and Sophie and I sort of went matching (I was Spanish, she was French...and she stole my beret, too). November was also quite exciting as for once I had bonfire night plans. Sophie's parents hosted a fabulous bonfire party and it was ridiculously fun. I spent a lot of time 'bonding' with Liz (pictured with me above right) and I think everybody appreciated all of the cupcakes and sweets. Have I ever mentioned that Sophie's mum is awesome? No? Well she is.

Poppy and I also met Daniel Sloss and Kai Humphries after she kindly gave me her spare ticket to the Sheffield gig. Be jealous, folks, be jealous ;) (This is also why Poppy is awesome...)

And, finally, December. Eliza's hula themed 18th (I know, I know, and if I'd have known, I'd have SO saved my hula costume from March ;P). We also went for our annual Christmas gift exchange meal/bowling outing to Xscape and rather enjoyed watching Eliza and Sarah somehow NOT fail at the bowling part (you all know what I mean, guys). Christmas came and went, and life has gone on. I have spent the holidays in a Christmas-induced panel show style TV coma, doing nothing but watch things on YouTube or pick my mum up from work. But I'm OK with that, and I'll work hard to do well in my January exams regardless. 


Now I know there are bits I've glossed over. Goodness knows how many parts of the year I've deliberately ignored or even buried deeply in my subconscious. But that's how every year is. That's how life is, it seems. I may not have achieved all 30 aims for the year, but I achieved so much more besides. 


But, as I sit here at 01:21am on Saturday 31st December 2011, with Happy New Year on repeat and my old diary laid out in front of me, I am content. 


"I know, I know, how they laughed in your face. They hoped, and hoped, and they said you would break. Hold on, you're fine. When they cut you to size, then you turn round and smile just a little." I think if anything could sum my year up, this lyric does it perfectly. So many people around me know how accurately that describes the year, particularly the second half, for me. But despite everything that happened and the hours spent hurting, I'm taking Mr Hartman's advice to let go of my fears. 

This year I have cried (a lot), I have given my time to people who needed it, I have achieved, I have received 5 university offers, I have been enlightened by wonderful people, and I have been thankful. My life has been touched by beautifully-minded friends and I have been reminded of why it is so important to look for the good in every situation. 2011 gave me opportunities and I made the most of (the majority of) them. 

This is easily the longest blog post I have ever written. But, you know, it's got a year's worth of content in it, so... 

My aims for next year?
1) Laugh more
2) Find the courage to rise above those who want me to fall
3) Document things more - it's important to remember the bad as well as the good
4) Be present - and that can be interpreted in whichever way it needs to be

I hope that those of you who have made it this far are also able to reflect on a trying but rewarding 2011, and I hope that everybody has the 2012 they are hoping for. To those who I have referred to, and even those who I know and have not referred to here: thank you.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride." - Hunter S. Thompson

Besos ♥
Rachel