So, I started a post last night and Blogger, being SO kind, decided not to save it for me. Gee, thanks. Anyway, I rambled for a while about going shopping for ''college clothes'' then I was about to launch into something deep and meaningful. Well actually, I kinda lost my way with the post I started so it's no great loss.
My cousin got her AS results today which reminded me in too many ways that GCSE results day is next Tuesday...and is pretty much the culmination of my entire school life. Scary. On the outside, I'm not too fussed by it. Inside, I'm not too fussed either. But there are also a few little niggly points that are slowly starting to get into my system and work their way into the part of my brain that makes me worry.
Spanish is my absolute favourite subject (and on paper, one of my best), but my speaking exam didn't go too well considering my teacher had the wrong questions, started panicking and asking me loads of questions ABOUT my questions then told me at the end she'd have to ''send a message explaining the situation'' to the exam board. Yeah, great, really filled me with confidence. So I'm kinda worried that because I went into the listening and reading exams a bit scared of failing because of that, I didn't do as well as if I'd had confidence in myself and the grade I was already on. I also want to do Spanish at college but I have to get at least a B, and I'm not sure I have. If I can't do it at college, I will be devastated so I'm just praying that I'll have done enough.
Other than that, I know my grade in some subjects because the exams were in January or they were purely coursework based. I'm a little worried about maths because I could never actually explain how much I used to struggle with it and how hard I've worked to just get to being capable of achieving a C. Considering that, I still think it's pretty mental that my teacher (and form tutor) pushed me to get an A and I did in my mock. I don't think I have on the real exam but as long as I pass, it's pretty much a miracle.
The only thing that's really bothering me about results day is the amount of pressure on me. I put pressure on myself, there's pressure from certain family members, and there's pressure from subject teachers. As well as that, there's pressure from my peers. I've just had to deal with a girl in my year telling me she ''knows I'll get all A*s'' which I already know I haven't. I don't understand where the ''clever'' label I've been stuck with came from, but it irritates the hell out of me sometimes...because if I don't do as well as I hoped to - it's not just my own feeling about it that I have to contend with. I get tons of unwanted opinions and comments from people in my classes or who also sat the exam and, well, it just winds me up...a lot.
On a more positive note: congratulations to everybody who got their results today and were pleased with them :)
Besos ♥
Rachel
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