Beginning

I went to see my new college form tutor today. I've actually been to see him several times this week, but today was especially significant. The first time was after I had a semi-nervous breakdown over Spanish, the second was because he arranged to see me, today was again because he arranged to see me. None of that is really relevant, but he said something that a) surprised me and b) amused me:

"You can come to me at anytime, even if it's just to moan about something."

I responded with "you'll be fed up of me by the time I leave", which is probably true, but that's the inner pessimist in me coming out. He then repeated himself, saying "You can moan to me about anything". It made me think about how different college is in comparison to school. At school, I moaned to my form tutor a lot, my parents always used to tell me that she was there for me to talk to when I had a problem, and she was always amazing when it came to making me see things from a different perspective. I'd go as far as saying that I don't know anybody who gives advice as well as she does. But, and this is something that I feel almost uncomfortable saying, my new tutor, so far, seems exactly the same (except a) he's a man and b) he's not her).

I realised earlier that I was finding it weird barely seeing my tutor, because I'm SO used to seeing my school tutor every day (every day for 5 years, basically). I always expected that I'd find it hard to go to him if I had a problem, because it took me a long time to be able to let myself do that with my school tutor...but it hasn't taken me long at all. If I've left school with anything that I didn't have when I started it, I've definitely left with a hell of a lot more confidence.

Speaking of confidence, I joined a choir two weeks ago. Yes, an actual choir. Me. I'd have never done that in school because I was never confident enough while the school still had a choir (it seemed to disappear every other year then come back again). The smallest things can be the biggest victories, can't they?

I've kind of given up on maintaining high school friendships. I've realised that 'what will be, will be' and that if I'm supposed to be friends with people, I will be. So far, things are going well and we all seem to be holding it together while also making new friends and getting used to the fact that this is our life now. College. 7 hours a day. 5 days a week. It's hard, yes, I'm not going to lie about that. We've jokingly formed a club of people who are depressed about college. Thankfully, I seem to be slowly leaving that club now. I'm getting on with it, there's not much more that I can do. I came home today almost wishing that today was Thursday, and tomorrow Friday, because today was the best day I've had in about two weeks and I didn't really want the week to end while it had the potential to get better.

In other news: my blog finally has a purpose again! My posts are no longer me trying to find something to fill the posts with.

I've also decided to end my posts in a slightly different way from now on..enjoy ;)

Besos ♥
Rachel

"No need to try to look into the future, when you still haven't dealt with the past." - Tim Minchin