Clockwatching

I'm going to be blunt and just ask this question right now, because I don't feel that slotting it in casually would have the same impact somehow: if you could just stop the clock, stop time, just to live something, even just for a few hours, would you?

I'm not sure whether I would or not. Recently, I've felt that time has just escaped me massively. It's like someone opened the door and it all just ran out. Let me just backtrack a bit, so it might make more sense...

We got our official yearbooks today (some of us did, anyway) and I cried reading the messages from my Head of Year, Headteacher and Form Tutor. Not because I was sad, not even because I was happy. It's hard to explain. It's like a combination of every emotion I have ever related with school seems to suddenly be out on show, all of the time. We have 8 days left, and I'm so thankful to have the memories I already do have, but I want to create so many more - and I'm not sure that I have time to do that.

People always say that you'll look back on school as being the best time of your life - I know they're right and i haven't even left yet. What was so wonderful about the messages left by my teachers was that they seemed to address exactly how I was feeling, and I highly doubt any of them know. Even I don't know. You know what though, I wouldn't change a single thing about my time at high school, I really wouldn't. I had fights (verbal, not physical), I had problems, I got fed up of everything and wanted to just hide, I lost friends, I got stressed and panicky - yes, I did all of those things, most of them more than once. But, I also laughed like nothing was wrong with the world, I felt inspired, I realised how amazing people around me were (and still are), I found people that I want in my life forever, I found myself, I found other people. The list could go on and on, but the point is that no matter how many bad things happened, something good always came from them. I wouldn't change any of it, I wouldn't want an experience any different to the one I've had.

In related (rather than my usual 'other') news, there was a staff poll for the yearbook and they voted me as "Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence". I didn't cry at that (thankfully!), but it made me smile. There was also a pupil poll, and my friend Danny got voted as "Most Likely To Be on a Reality TV Programme" which amused me a lot...because it's sort of true.

My arm is still aching from my injection yesterday, but I feel happy at everything that's going on around me. I hope that wherever you are, your 'clockwatching' will make sense to you soon too.

Besos ♥
Rachel