Sunday 3 April 2011

Hanging On

College has broken me. I can't even pretend anymore, it has thoroughly broken me. I couldn't put more effort in and I don't get anything out of it at all. Yes, my grades in Spanish are rising, which is great, and yes, my teachers are more than happy with my effort. But I don't get anything out of college, at all. 

I'm only just managing to 'hang on in there' and cope with everything at the moment, and I can feel myself being so close to just snapping and giving in to the pressure on me. My parents were so disappointed with my last report because I'm not achieving As in all of my subjects. I put enough pressure on myself without them adding to it...

Amnesty is winding me up at the moment, it's like everytime I open my inbox there are 50 unread messages related to it, and when I'm just looking for my oral questions from Ester, they're the last things on Earth that I could possibly want to read. I don't want to miss the campaign this week, but at the same time I have things that are, undoubtably, more important to get done, but then if I don't do the things I'm expected to it's awkward.

My English Languages teachers have both managed to make me hate the subject again in the space of three days. One of them because he shouted at me on Friday for absolutely no reason (or if there was a reason, it was his fault) and the other because I have until Thursday to basically re-do my entire piece of coursework because it's 'dense'. Ugh. I'm stressed enough without that to add to my list.

I've tried this weekend to get my revision stuff back on track. I've started making my little flashcards and stuff to stick up around my bedroom and I'm working towards getting this Media paper finished. I need to spend more time on my Psychology but I can't until I buy, yes buy, the revision pack. Nice, I can't do well in my exam unless I buy materials to do so from my teacher. I keep forcing myself to think about Psychology whenever I'm not thinking about anything else, so I suppose it's something. Stress and Social are both clearer to me after last week when I met with Nigel to talk about it all, but I'm still completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to learn before June 7th. Meh. 

I'm going to go and listen to Josh Groban and pretend it's still winter, listening to him brought me so much comfort over winter...


Besos
Rachel 


2 comments:

  1. Hello Rachel. I'm so sorry I haven't been around recently to let you vent and so on as you wish. I've been avoiding the internet a little recently. If you ever need to just ramble away, drop me a note. I hope you feel better soon.

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  2. Hi Sophie :)
    No worries, I've been venting to my blog. Thank you :) Same goes to you, I know you've been down recently too :( x

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