6 exams down, 1 to go. This week has been, in one word, tough. It went a bit like this: maths exam, English exam, maths revision afternoon, English exam, maths exam. I haven't had much sleep nor have I known which day was which all week. It's over now though, no point in dwelling on how I did on the papers.
I had a huge confidence crisis regarding my maths exams on Tuesday/Wednesday, really wasn't fun. I ended up talking to my form tutor who made a really good point. She said:
"You do what you do because you have confidence."
I'd never really considered that before, but it's true. If I wasn't confident enough, I wouldn't have been able to run several World Challenge fundraising events basically by myself, I wouldn't have been able to step into the role of editor for the school newspaper and dramatically improve it. I wouldn't have been able to email Jason Manford asking him if we could interview him for it either. It might sound odd, but to me - those things are just...well...normal. Some people would spend ages contemplating the idea and flitting backwards and forwards between yes and no - I just did it.
Confidence was always something I lacked in primary school and the first few years of high school. I was never best in class, never quite good enough. My English exam made a point about a famous boxer having never been good enough and it struck me that we're similar in that way. I was always good, but never good enough to be worthy of praise nor bad enough to be worthy of encouragement. I felt that way once I started high school for a while too, like I'd never actually do something and do well at it. I've figured out now though, that the past two years have been the most confident two years I've ever had. Which is ironic, because I've spent most of them either stressing, panicking or hating everything.
I kind of understand why leaving school is important now. When you're there every day, you get used to the annoying, bratty little year seven kids and year nines who try and stare you to death every time you walk past them. You get used to it, and you get over it. Going back in for an exam today, I kind of realised that I don't have to put up with it anymore. Two girls from my primary school stood and tried to communicate that they disliked my clothes using their narrowed eyes when I walked past them earlier. It just made me realise that I'm actually too mature to be with people like that on a daily basis. That said, I don't think people like that would stop me from becoming a teacher if I ever decided I wanted to do that. Being one of these pupils myself, I know that there are those that make it worth it for teachers. And I'm not trying to show off, my Spanish teacher genuinely said that...
Anyway, I miss lots about school still and I miss the fact that no two days were ever the same, but I think I'm going to get over it. I just want to go to college, make new friends and mix with people that hopefully are as mature as I am (i.e. not the sort of people that use pictures of a girl in our year as their Facebook display picture because she ''looks funny'' and doesn't have Facebook so she won't know...) I'm looking forward to my subjects and I'm really hoping I get to do beginner languages and that they run the course this year. I'm also really eager to start Media because it's something I've been considering for a potential future career.
That's enough from me for tonight, but if you remember nothing from all of this, please remember what my form tutor told me because it is honestly one of the best things anybody has ever said to me...and it works so well as a piece of advice. Think about it, it'll begin to make sense :)
"You do what you do, because you have confidence."
Besos ♥
Rachel
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