I feel like I've known you my whole life

Everybody is guaranteed to say it at some point in their lifetime, and I'm convinced that they will mean it when they say it too. I can only imagine that in order to let those words leave your lips, you must be 100% confident in your relationship or friendship with that person. So far, I don't think I've ever said those words. I hope that one day I'm able to though.

It does make me wonder though, whether it's a good thing to have known somebody your entire life and know pretty much everything about them. Speaking literally, I've known my three cousins (Amy, George and Becky) for my entire life so far. I've known my friend Fern for at least 12 years of my life, and my other friend Erin for slightly longer. If I compare that with the fact that I've known my friend Eliza for about two years, it's quite odd really. I realise that this is just the way life works, I'm not just being naive here... But the weird thing is, I don't feel like I've known Eliza (as an example) for my whole life, but I know her just as well as I know people that I have known my whole life.

I'll be the first to admit that I am incredibly selective when it comes to my friends. It's not a quality that I'm particularly proud of and it doesn't make me sound like a very good person either - but hear me out. I absolutely believe that it's better to have, for instance, 5 close friends and not many other friends than 30 other friends and not many close friends. I want to be surrounded my like-minded, intelligent, witty, caring, well-rounded people - is that really such a bad thing to want?

If I went through the list of people that I've considered my friends at various points throughout my life so far, it might help to demonstrate why I am as selective as I am. In year seven, I was in a big group of friends. There were lots of us and we were all girls - not a good idea. I was always different to everybody else, I wasn't interested in only talking about clothes and boys, I wanted to have proper conversations and feel fulfilled by my friendships. There were many fallouts and I eventually just walked away from all of my friendships...except one. There's something quite empowering about that - about having the ability to do that regardless of how much it's going to hurt and upset you.

I could spent hours beating myself up about failed friendships, I really could. Looking back at the end of my school life (excluding my one remaining exam in a week and a half), I'm glad that I had that many failed friendships - because I've learnt from them and even though I can't call these people my friends anymore, I'm not on bad terms with any of them. I suppose what could be taken from that is that the fact that I'm not on bad terms with any of them means that although they weren't destined to be my friends long term, they were right at the time and there's a mutual understanding of that.

When it comes down to it, it's not really about having known people ''your whole life'', it's about finding people that you want to know for the rest of your life. That's the difference between parting ways or hanging on when things are a bit rubbish and making it through together. It's not an accomplishment to be able to say ''I feel like I've known you my whole life'' unless you already have plans to make up for the fact that in reality, you haven't, by having this person in your life for the rest of it.

It was quite nice being able to sit and write this without the mental ties of looming exams or revision. My next one is a week and a half away and I don't need to begin revising until Wednesday/Thursday, so my mind is free for a few days and I am enjoying it more than I think I realise. Hopefully soon I'll be able to do my first book review on here (once I've read it) - I found it in a shop today and the topic just basically screamed ''me'' so I bought it without considering whether I could be bothered to read it really. So, that should be interesting if it's nothing else...

Besos ♥
Rachel