Seven

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my friends? No, you'd think I would have done by now. I suppose I better had then, hadn't I...
That collage right there only partially demonstrates why I love them all as much as I do. Whenever I'm around them, the mood is just lifted and we could be anywhere in the world...it wouldn't matter as long as we were together and having fun.

Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of ups and downs both in our personal lives and as a group. We've worked through them though. I've gained six wonderful friends from high school, and together we make a fun group of seven.

Fern always seems to have a cheesy grin on her face that suggests she's up to no good. Nobody is more hilarious when hyperactive than Fernion. I've never known a person quite like her - I'm not sure that many other people in the world are capable of crying one minute...then crying a bit more as if the hurt would never go away...then being in hysterics with laughter by the end of the day. Who else would I take on my really, really bizarre missions (rose delivery system, teacher hunting) and drag to find people who are almost impossible to find? That's right, nobody.

Aiden is probably destined to spend forever as a student, so we'd better get used to the moaning about the workload. Just kidding. When he's in a hyper mood, Adriana is one of the most fun people I know. We generally tend to laugh at random small children shouting ''ENGLAAAAAAAA" or similar while walking home or at random strange looking year sevens in the corridor. We're the proud owners of the Rabbish and along with Eliza, Danny and Joe, he made GCSE Spanish the most fun subject you could imagine.

Joe is a bit like puff pastry...just when you think you've seen all of the layers, you find a new one. Nobody is more argumentative (or correct) as Joe, that's for sure, but he's always a good person to turn to when you want a moan and for some "manly advice". He's known within the friendship circle for often tackling Danny on a lunchtime, throwing grapes around our form room and posing with his crisps. Oh, and of course for arguing with Fern about whether tortilla wraps are bread... Oh, and one last thing...he's Judas, my son.

Eliza is also a rather complex character, but I wouldn't have it any other way. She tends to be realllllly quiet and then will suddenly do something a bit mad (i.e. make a random chicken noise/movement) to break the tension or even just because she's bored. Elizard is often being nearly raped and/or beaten up by both Danny and Zoe, and more than often I'm standing with Fern shouting at them to stop it (but mostly to no avail). She's incredibly awkward to surprise with a party however is an incredibly random and fun person to be around. Aside from that, she listens to everything people say (except when she "spaces out") and gives good advice whenever it's needed.

Danny is mad. I don't need to say much more but I will because otherwise he'll probably feel a bit left out. I'm his God and he's...well, I don't really know what he is (will flaming goat do?) Mr Southern is often stalking The Newse, fondling pretty much anybody he comes across and/or trying to take pictures James Bond style from underneath tables. He's pretty rubbish at cutting up birthday cakes however can always be relied on if you want things to smell like ''pineapple''. One last thing: HYMN!

Zoe is equally as mad as Danny, only with a bit less fondling (but only a bit). She's just fun-loving and generally a bit manic to be around but again, I wouldn't have it any other way. I never expected it, but I miss Zoe and her madness possibly slightly more than the others. I haven't known her as long as the others, but I think she's definitely made up for it by planting many, many memories inside my head. It's impossible to be in a bad mood when around her, because she just kind of radiates fun.

I have absolutely no idea what college will do to our little group of seven, but I'm sure it's going to be interesting anyway. In the meantime, I'm going to see everybody at prom tomorrow and I'm pretty sure it's going to be incredible.

So yeah, thanks guys - it just wouldn't be the same without you.

Besos ♥
Rachel

Get Over It

The above is something often said to me by my mum when I've spent a while feeling down about something. I'm not going to lie, it annoys the hell out of me when she just says it because it feels really quite harsh when you're upset, but she has got a point.

When I look at some people in my year, I can't help but just think ''just please, get over it". There are a few people that I've often thought this about. I just really do not understand why some people are so fascinated by others that they a) choose to spread rumours, b) openly slag them off in front of their friends and other people in the year, c) continually try to anger and upset them through any medium possible (Facebook, Twitter, blogs, MSN, in person, texts, whatever...)

I mean, seriously, we've all left now. We're not all going to the same college in September and so we probably won't see most of our year again - so why continue being a horrid person to so many people once you've left. It makes no sense. Surely people have better things to do than just become fascinated by people they claim to dislike...

As lame as it may sound, my brother had the Disney Channel on a few days ago and Lizzie McGuire came on. The episode was about how her and her friends went to see a kids show that they had liked from being young, the 'popular' girl from school was there babysitting, saw them...then made their lives hell in school. That part was kind of dull (I wasn't paying much attention though). But, towards the end, one of the characters made a good point about how this popular girl was just wasting her life paying too much attention to their likes and dislikes and should just get a life. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it makes sense.

Are my generation so insecure that everybody feels the need to make fun of others and spy on what they like or dislike, their thoughts or feelings etc? I'd hope not, but I'm starting to believe that they are. What annoys me about this possibly the most is that these people think that by making fun of others for their likes, dislikes, thoughts and feelings, they won't like/dislike/think/feel that way anymore. From my experience, their belief that this will happen is completely wrong. When people do it to me, it makes me believe more in that thing, whatever it is. Why should other people stop us from just being ourselves?

I mean, so what if you don't listen to the same music as everybody else. So what if you don't go to the ''cool parties'' that everybody seems to attend - it's not as if any of this is going to matter in even just a few weeks, is it? I've never been one to try desperately to fit in, and I've never been the sort of person that goes along with what everybody else is doing. But, even I know that it's not that hard to just leave people alone and get on with your own life.

Fair enough, be the pathetic person that just obsesses over what everybody else is doing...but if you're going to do it, just keep it to yourself. Not everybody wants to know how pathetic you want to be.

Just to end with...this is completely unrelated but I'm going to say it anyway. England just lost to Germany in the World Cup. This is no reason for everybody to suddenly start being racist (which they are online, at least). We don't need reminding of who won World War 2...as if it's somehow connected to football in any way. It annoys me how some people can't just get over that. Yes, I know what happened and I realise how horrendous it was - but it's not like he's still in power now, is it? And anyway, as a country, they're a lot better off than we are...

As a sidenote, I promise I'll be less angry next time I blog ;)

Besos ♥
Rachel

Zauzeti Malo Pčela

Isn't it just wonderful when you leave school, begin to look forward to relaxing, then suddenly have a million and one things to do? OK, I don't really think it's wonderful either. But, the fact still remains that I am ridiculously busy even though I don't seem to be doing much.

I get to spend all day shopping for World Challenge kit list items on Tuesday (ugh) so I'm bound to be exhausted for about half of Wednesday...which isn't possible because Wednesday is prom day. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to fit everything in on prom day, but somehow apparently I'm supposed to. One of the teachers coming on World Challenge tried to make us have a meeting on prom day - as if anybody would have bothered to turn up to that...

Speaking of World Challenge, it's about two weeks until we go down to Heathrow and fly over to Croatia. I really cannot believe that it's finally going to happen. I've spent a year and a half worrying over it, panicking that I wouldn't raise the funds and I wouldn't get along with any fellow team members. I've cried over it...a lot...for various reasons and now, in just two weeks, it's happening - for real.

Basically, 14 people from year ten and year eleven are going on expedition to the Paklenica National Park in Croatia with the organisation World Challenge. While we there we get to do stuff like trekking, putting up tents, kayaking/canoeing and/or losing team members (I'm joking, but my mum thinks I should 'lose' the person who keeps annoying me by placing every ounce of responsibility with me). We're going with a woman called Margaret who's from Ireland and represents World Challenge, as well as Mr Parkinson and Miss Morris from school. I'm in a tent with one girl that I've known for a while before the expedition, and one girl that I had a bit of a rough time with but am getting along well with now.

My 'challenge' has been incredibly varied and has been way harder than anybody first signing up could ever imagine. I am the only year eleven girl going...the other girls are in year ten. This in itself is tough because I only knew one of the year ten girls...and even then I barely ever spoke to her. The actual fundraising was horrendous too, but I have some good memories alongside it such as laughing hysterically at the moss growing inside a teacher's car when we did staff car washing or getting lost on a sponsored walk with a few of the other girls and somebody's mum.

Unfortunately though, when I remember the staff car washing, the fun memories are kind of ruined by what happened a few days after when one teacher accused me of scratching her new car. It turned out that I hadn't...she'd done it herself. I was having a horrible day anyway because of something that had happened at breaktime...I'd spent most of period 3 in tears and had barely recovered by the time said teacher began shouting at me in front of my entire food tech class at the beginning of period 5. I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated in my entire life. Apparently my food tech teacher and my form tutor shouted at her for being so horrible to me though, so it's all good...

If that doesn't demonstrate how awful some parts have been, I don't really know what could. The others have been looking forward to it for ages now but I've only just began to feel happy about it. I don't know whether it's because of the bad experiences I've had or other aspects (such as the fact that all responsibility, and I do mean all, gets placed with me), but I do know that it took me a long time.

At least once I get back from Croatia, I'll be able to spend all of summer sleeping.

I couldn't think of anything better to be honest...

Besos ♥
Rachel

The Sun

It's been absolutely boiling here today...which is a nice change from it just permanently raining. The sun being out has convinced me even more that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, as I can literally never feel down when the sun's out but I spend all of winter feeling depressed. Anyway, the sunshine has put me in a happy mood despite two hours of dull food tech revision this morning and then an impromptu but funny meeting with my deputy head (it involved me ''pretending to be headmaster'', long story...)

One thing I absolutely LOVE about summer is that there's always an album by an artist or band I like being released and therefore summer is always full of good music :) This morning I got to hear the first single from Marron 5's new album Hands All Over. It's called Misery but the song's actually really upbeat - I like how artists do that because otherwise music would generally be very depressing. I also just heard No Me Digas Que No by Enrique Iglesias (featuring Wisin y Yandel) from his new album Euphoria. I haven't listened to any Spanish music in a few weeks and it's just reminded me why I love studying Spanish so much and has definitely given me back the enthusiasm I felt like I was lacking since the Spanish exam and it was over until September.

In 18 days I am going on an expedition to Croatia with my school/the organisation World Challenge. It's taken me until now to start getting excited about it but, finally, I am starting to look forward to it much more than I have been. I've had a pretty rough World Challenge experience so far with lots of mishaps and falling out with more than one team member but I've put those things behind me and I'm going to be sharing a tent with one of the people that I kind of fell out with - it's going to be good because she's really nice and she's been really up for things I've suggested since then, so I'm being positive.

I keep having to remind myself that I am actually going to Croatia, it still doesn't feel real to be honest. I've developed a 'love' for travelling and the world over the past two years or so, and it's incredible that I'm actually going travelling. I have approximately 16 days to learn some Croatian...that should be interesting. I need to go and see a teacher to organise something about that, actually... Anyway, I'm looking forward to it despite the amount of rubbish that I've had to put up with throughout the whole process.

Next Wednesday is our high school prom :) It's something that us girls have all been dreaming of and planning since at least year seven and that doesn't feel 'real' at the moment either. I'm praying for sun on that day, but part of me still believes that it will just throw it down to annoy us all. It's not often (or ever, in my case) that you get to dress up and go out for the evening with hundreds of people so I'm going to make the most of it and enjoy being around my friends and teachers for one final evening.

After tomorrow, I'll be able to blog properly as usual again (yay) because my exams will be over and I'm free for the summer.

Besos ♥
Rachel

Stream of Consciousness

For those unfamilar with this idea - it's basically a blog where I just write and there's no particular direction, it's just whatever is on my mind.

I'm currently recovering from my cousin's birthday weekend. I went out with her and 6 of her friends on Saturday night for a meal and had a good time despite barely knowing anybody. I had a good moan with one of her friends about someone we mutually know and hate so that was quite nice (haha!) and it was kinda fun to moan about this particular person to somebody new (again, haha!). We ended up having three cakes because this same friend brought two small M&S cakes for my cousin when she'd already brought one herself - it was dessert overload. Then yesterday (her actual birthday), she ended up coming to our house for the day because her mum's got a virus and was throwing up all day (not good). We had a laugh anyway and ended up with, wait for it, 5 desserts. So this weekend has just been full of chocolate/cake/pudding and I couldn't eat a thing if I tried right now.

It's less than a month now until World Challenge which is both exciting and worrying. I feel really underprepared but I suppose we all will do until we go (and come home). I had a good think about it all last night and came to some positive conclusions so that was good. I'm looking forward to being free - quite literally - for 8 days where nobody knows me and nobody can bother me. I know it's going to be life changing but it's fun trying to guess exactly which parts will change my life.

A girl on Facebook just posted a status about some homework she has to write about why it's good to go to our school. I would comment but she'd probably think I'm mental with the sheer number of reasons I could come up with. Now I've left, I am seeing it in a much better light. School was great, school was amazing. It was rubbish but it was still fun throughout and I'll never be supported by so many people ever again - gotta appreciate it while I still have it, right? A rather hideous girl commented saying something along the lines of "it's full of bitches, the teachers only care about their paypackets and the school itself is rubbish" - I kind of wonder if she's actually ever turned up to school to learn, it certainly doesn't seem that way right now. What I've found is that if you let teachers guide you and support you, things are just SO much better. This girl clearly needs a slap (or similar)...

I got annoyed at a chav I know yesterday for using the word 'sagapor' on Facebook when writing comments to everybody - she meant 's'agapo' which is Greek for 'I love you' but she just kept getting it wrong over and over again until her friend even joined in getting it wrong. It annoyed me because a) she was using it to try and look/sound/seem cool and b) her cousin (who lives with her) is Greek so clearly she could have asked and got the right word. Oh, and the Greek language is my current obsession so I've being possessive. NOBODY is allowed to use words unless they're correct (I'm not being serious here, just so you know...)

I'm currently way too warm because of my laptop being on my knee and also because I spent all afternoon baking special fish themed cupcakes for tomorrow for me and my friends to enjoy during our food tech revision (the exam's themed on fish, get it?) session that lasts two hours. My last exam is Wednesday then I am free for the whole summer. Finally!

College is still looking RUBBISH. I spent a little while last night figuring out who's in which form and there are eight people from my year all in one form, 7 in another, 5 in another etc etc. I'm still a loner in my form so I'm not really looking forward to my induction day because I don't make friends well/people don't tend to want to be my friend in return. Great fun. Apparently it's based on people having similar timetables - but that makes no sense when you look at the chosen subjects of the people in these forms as they all contrast. Logic seems to have just been thrown out of the window, so to speak.

Ooh, and I made a decent start on my summer project by beginning to compile words to learn and writing them in my special summer project folder. I've already learnt 'metamfiesi', 'pes' and 'tis' - and I must say I'm rather proud of myself.

OK, that's enough consciousness, I'm going for a shower. What have you been up to recently?

Besos ♥
Rachel

Birthday Wishes

Today is my cousin Becky’s birthday and the first of my many intended birthday blogs for my friends and family :)

I’ve literally known her all my life now, and it’s certainly been interesting if nothing else. We’ve always been a pair, and she’s a bit like the sister I never had - she certainly makes our house home whenever she visits…

When we were little we’d play every game imaginable - everything from hairdressers to supermarkets to popstars to houses - and it’s fair to say I’ve never been bored in her company. We’ve even accidentally sort of gone on holiday to Blackpool together. I hope I never forget the way her mum laughed hysterically at my brother’s bad dancing and I remember seeing Becky walking down the street from my hotel room and being really confused about why she was there.

Summers were always the best though, when we’d just play endlessly on bikes and my swingset until it was time for someone to go home. I worried that once the games ended and we got older, we’d drift apart - we haven’t.

If anything we’re better friends now than ever and we’re never not laughing or joking about something. It’s mostly Becky’s blondeness that causes the amusement but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She knows I'm never going to stop reminding her that she's only three months older than me, it's been ongoing since we could speak now. We once formed an R&R club (the time my brother wet himself...long story) and it seems to have been pretty strong since. I once made her a card in tech with Fred from Dancing on Ice in it and she returned the favour by sticking a newspaper article about Richard Hammond in mine last year (thanks for that...), she also added my stalker on Facebook for me but even though it's kind of annoying, I still love her for it (though Jude singing "don't cry for me Argentina" was going a bit far).

So, happy birthday from me, Kettle and Vivienne. Hope your day hasn’t been too bad considering the circumstances.

Lots of love,

Rach :) x

PS: Erin's joined the 'We love Gareth Malone' club too ;)

Starting Over

Just received my induction day letter for college - I know my form, the room to go to and which day I'm going on now - I just don't know anybody in my form. I'm glad that we won't spend anywhere near as much time with my new form than my high school form because to be honest, I don't think anybody could beat both my form tutor and my form. I don't think I'd want anybody to either.

I always knew that college was starting over, it just kind of hit home that I was. Nobody I know is in my new form so far, and I don't have many friends in high school anyway. About 80% of people in my year I can't stand, another 10% are OK and the remaining 10% are really nice. Hopefully college will be different. If there does turn out to be somebody I know, I'm sure I can make awkward conversation with them about how different college is when compared to school...

I'm going to have a busy month, so at least I won't just be sitting and thinking too deeply into things - I'm good at that but it never has a positive effect on me. I have two parties to attend over the weekend (both for my cousin Becky who apparently already has a birthday card for me - even though it's 3 months away...) then revision and an exam next week then it's just non stop World Challenge preparation and prom stuff. At least my induction day isn't the day after prom, that would be really rubbish.

And yes, I realise this is a pretty rubbish post. I'll do something better later when I've thought of something to actually write about.

Besos ♥
Rachel

Personality

I was watching an episode of Big Brother earlier where one of the housemates was talking about how he really hates one of the female housemates because she thinks she's better than the others because of how she looks. He also talked about how he's always hated girls like that. It actually surprised me because this housemate was arguably one of the better looking housemates, and I'd have assumed that he'd have liked the better looking housemates too - that's how it always tends to be, right?

Earlier, I was noseying on Facebook and I came across a status update by a girl that is exactly the type of girl I imagine that this housemate would hate (if he knew her, of course) - her status was basically her complaining about 'fit guys' going out with 'dog ugly girls'. Somebody commented on it saying that it's not all about looks and she sarcastically responded by saying it's about ''personality'' (and yes, it was written as ''personality'') instead. It kind of angered me to read that because it should be about personality, not just how you look and how vain you are.

For me, personality is precisely what makes a person - the clue is in the word. There's no point in being with somebody who is just completely dull but, in the words of this girl, 'fit'. I like to appreciate the personalities of people around me - I think it's important to maintain a good friendship because if you don't appreciate other people and how they are, how on earth can you say that you're good friends? I mean, think about it, if you're going to spend the rest of your life with somebody, they need to have a personality. I guess it's good to be nice to look at too, but it's better to have inner qualities too.

I've never understood people that have a new 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' every other week in high school, it makes no sense to me. I literally never have myself, nor have I ever wanted to. The only explanation I can think of is that they want to have one to seem better than their peers - particularly the peers that don't have an 'other half'.

You may recall me mentioning a girl that was the Facebook display picture of several boys in my year and how I find it ridiculously harsh. I was thinking about it yesterday and it struck me that although she isn't the best looking person (hence why they think it's so funny to have her as their display picture), she has the biggest personality of anybody I have ever met. She's always singing and smiling and she's lovely to absolutely everybody she comes across. Nobody can genuinely dislike somebody like her because she's just 'a joy to be around'. I don't think I've ever been friends with her because her personality is that big that I probably wouldn't be the best at handling it...but that's not a fault of hers, it's a fault of mine.

I've often felt that I don't have a particularly interesting personality (nor do I have amazing good looks to make up for it...) - and that feeling certainly wasn't helped when a 'friend' of mine told me that she genuinely didn't like me because I, and I quote, "don't tell funny jokes". She said this to me and my form tutor, who instantly pointed out that her point was stupid and she didn't look very impressed. I've always been a bit of a boring person when it comes to expressing my likes and dislikes, I've always been the sensible friend - the one who can be depended on in a crisis or if help is needed. I've never been the person who you turn to when you're looking to have fun. Or at least, that's how I feel, and that's how former friends have made me feel. I've always felt like people don't know enough about me. It's an odd thing to describe.

So, while I believe that personality should be enough for people, and that looks should count for nothing, I often wonder if that's the case with how I am to other people. Does intelligence, reliability and level-headed thinking count, or is it really all about the looks?

Besos ♥
Rachel

PS: Still looking for blog topics so please comment if you have any topics you'd like to see me write about :)

Just...nice

Ever had one of those moments where you try to sum up how things feel and you really can't? That's kind of how I feel right now. In essence, things are ''just nice'' for me at the moment - I finished buying my things for prom this afternoon and made a productive start on my summer project too by buying an A5 folder and printing off the relevant cards to go in it. Tomorrow, I'm going for my hair doing and styling the way I want it for prom then I'm going for lunch with my cousin, Becky. I have one exam left and then my entire summer to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I could get used to the later nights and more relaxed mornings, I really could.

I always thought that I'd be devastated when school ended. I think to some extent, I was. I found it hard to believe people when they told me that I'd ''get over it'' and that I'd be completely fine. There are lots of things I'm missing, but I'm actually fine with not being anywhere in particular at the moment. My mind seems to wander between thoughts and it's nice to know that for once, I can focus on my thoughts and feelings rather than my workload or how many exams I have left, what I need to do tomorrow or how much time I don't have...

It's also ''just nice'' to be able to sit and listen to music by my favourite artists for ridiculously long periods of time and just listen to it and enjoy it, rather than use it as a coping mechanism like I seem to have done for most of 2010 so far. Don't get me wrong, I still pay perhaps too much attention to the lyrics, but I can just listen to it now, which is something I was quite bad at before. At the moment, I'm listening to Changes by Dima Bilan. It goes kinda like this:
"I’m going through changes
All the things I thought I knew
That I wanna hear with you feel wrong
And you know what’s strangest?
I think you feel the same
Don’t let guilt make you stay, it’s OK
Cause everything changes, changes, changes"
It's a particularly poignant song for me usually because of what I was going through when I first heard it. Tonight, I'm just listening to it without a care in the world and it's, well, just...nice. Just for the record, I am normally NOT this person. I normally am incapable of just relaxing. I dread to think what my future holds sometimes because I just get blinded by how busy I'm going to let myself become. To be honest, I LOVE being busy and having too much to do, because it gives me a sense of purpose. But, in reality, it's nice sometimes to feel like I do now...to kind of feel nothing and be OK with it.

I'm not even annoyed at anything (which is incredibly rare for me...) right now. It's actually a really odd feeling. I've sorted out the thing I was upset about when I posted about a week ago and I've moved on from it. It involved completely embarrassing myself and almost crying at a ridiculously inappropriate moment but hey, I did it, right?

Just before I go, while I'm on the subject of being busy/never relaxing and Dima Bilan...another of his songs is one of my absolute favourites because of these lines:
"As we keep rushing like crazy
Can we still see it's amazing
Between the sky and heaven?"
Maybe we should just stop sometimes and think about that. 'Cause when you think about it, even the hectic craziness is pretty amazing. If you ask me, we should just appreciate everything we have because one day it's going to be gone.

Besos ♥
Rachel

I feel like I've known you my whole life

Everybody is guaranteed to say it at some point in their lifetime, and I'm convinced that they will mean it when they say it too. I can only imagine that in order to let those words leave your lips, you must be 100% confident in your relationship or friendship with that person. So far, I don't think I've ever said those words. I hope that one day I'm able to though.

It does make me wonder though, whether it's a good thing to have known somebody your entire life and know pretty much everything about them. Speaking literally, I've known my three cousins (Amy, George and Becky) for my entire life so far. I've known my friend Fern for at least 12 years of my life, and my other friend Erin for slightly longer. If I compare that with the fact that I've known my friend Eliza for about two years, it's quite odd really. I realise that this is just the way life works, I'm not just being naive here... But the weird thing is, I don't feel like I've known Eliza (as an example) for my whole life, but I know her just as well as I know people that I have known my whole life.

I'll be the first to admit that I am incredibly selective when it comes to my friends. It's not a quality that I'm particularly proud of and it doesn't make me sound like a very good person either - but hear me out. I absolutely believe that it's better to have, for instance, 5 close friends and not many other friends than 30 other friends and not many close friends. I want to be surrounded my like-minded, intelligent, witty, caring, well-rounded people - is that really such a bad thing to want?

If I went through the list of people that I've considered my friends at various points throughout my life so far, it might help to demonstrate why I am as selective as I am. In year seven, I was in a big group of friends. There were lots of us and we were all girls - not a good idea. I was always different to everybody else, I wasn't interested in only talking about clothes and boys, I wanted to have proper conversations and feel fulfilled by my friendships. There were many fallouts and I eventually just walked away from all of my friendships...except one. There's something quite empowering about that - about having the ability to do that regardless of how much it's going to hurt and upset you.

I could spent hours beating myself up about failed friendships, I really could. Looking back at the end of my school life (excluding my one remaining exam in a week and a half), I'm glad that I had that many failed friendships - because I've learnt from them and even though I can't call these people my friends anymore, I'm not on bad terms with any of them. I suppose what could be taken from that is that the fact that I'm not on bad terms with any of them means that although they weren't destined to be my friends long term, they were right at the time and there's a mutual understanding of that.

When it comes down to it, it's not really about having known people ''your whole life'', it's about finding people that you want to know for the rest of your life. That's the difference between parting ways or hanging on when things are a bit rubbish and making it through together. It's not an accomplishment to be able to say ''I feel like I've known you my whole life'' unless you already have plans to make up for the fact that in reality, you haven't, by having this person in your life for the rest of it.

It was quite nice being able to sit and write this without the mental ties of looming exams or revision. My next one is a week and a half away and I don't need to begin revising until Wednesday/Thursday, so my mind is free for a few days and I am enjoying it more than I think I realise. Hopefully soon I'll be able to do my first book review on here (once I've read it) - I found it in a shop today and the topic just basically screamed ''me'' so I bought it without considering whether I could be bothered to read it really. So, that should be interesting if it's nothing else...

Besos ♥
Rachel

6:1 and Confidence

6 exams down, 1 to go. This week has been, in one word, tough. It went a bit like this: maths exam, English exam, maths revision afternoon, English exam, maths exam. I haven't had much sleep nor have I known which day was which all week. It's over now though, no point in dwelling on how I did on the papers.

I had a huge confidence crisis regarding my maths exams on Tuesday/Wednesday, really wasn't fun. I ended up talking to my form tutor who made a really good point. She said:
"You do what you do because you have confidence."
I'd never really considered that before, but it's true. If I wasn't confident enough, I wouldn't have been able to run several World Challenge fundraising events basically by myself, I wouldn't have been able to step into the role of editor for the school newspaper and dramatically improve it. I wouldn't have been able to email Jason Manford asking him if we could interview him for it either. It might sound odd, but to me - those things are just...well...normal. Some people would spend ages contemplating the idea and flitting backwards and forwards between yes and no - I just did it.

Confidence was always something I lacked in primary school and the first few years of high school. I was never best in class, never quite good enough. My English exam made a point about a famous boxer having never been good enough and it struck me that we're similar in that way. I was always good, but never good enough to be worthy of praise nor bad enough to be worthy of encouragement. I felt that way once I started high school for a while too, like I'd never actually do something and do well at it. I've figured out now though, that the past two years have been the most confident two years I've ever had. Which is ironic, because I've spent most of them either stressing, panicking or hating everything.

I kind of understand why leaving school is important now. When you're there every day, you get used to the annoying, bratty little year seven kids and year nines who try and stare you to death every time you walk past them. You get used to it, and you get over it. Going back in for an exam today, I kind of realised that I don't have to put up with it anymore. Two girls from my primary school stood and tried to communicate that they disliked my clothes using their narrowed eyes when I walked past them earlier. It just made me realise that I'm actually too mature to be with people like that on a daily basis. That said, I don't think people like that would stop me from becoming a teacher if I ever decided I wanted to do that. Being one of these pupils myself, I know that there are those that make it worth it for teachers. And I'm not trying to show off, my Spanish teacher genuinely said that...

Anyway, I miss lots about school still and I miss the fact that no two days were ever the same, but I think I'm going to get over it. I just want to go to college, make new friends and mix with people that hopefully are as mature as I am (i.e. not the sort of people that use pictures of a girl in our year as their Facebook display picture because she ''looks funny'' and doesn't have Facebook so she won't know...) I'm looking forward to my subjects and I'm really hoping I get to do beginner languages and that they run the course this year. I'm also really eager to start Media because it's something I've been considering for a potential future career.

That's enough from me for tonight, but if you remember nothing from all of this, please remember what my form tutor told me because it is honestly one of the best things anybody has ever said to me...and it works so well as a piece of advice. Think about it, it'll begin to make sense :)
"You do what you do, because you have confidence."

Besos ♥
Rachel

Teaching and Learning

"Creativity is a type of learning process where the teacher and the pupil are located in the same individual"

I just saw this quote on Tumblr and just had to re-post it. I wish I'd known of this a few months ago when I made my own notebooks completely from scratch as I had no idea what I was doing and just kind of made it up as I went along. I also wish I'd known of this quote when I made my leaving scrapbook, but that's another story. For those that participate in any arts and crafts, you'll know how true it really is. I recall sitting at the table with card, felt, stamps, craft glue and some brads (fancy pins, basically) and looking at it all thinking ''OK, you're going to get this right even if you just make the whole process up'' - to some extent, I think I did. There are things I changed from the first to the second, and there are things I'd change again if I made another - but the basic idea remains the same. I might post my method up on here once I have time to write it out.

The quote is also true about making jewellery (beaded, not fancy...) - lots of people I know always spot my bracelets and tell me they must be ''so complicated'' and that they'd ''never be able to do it, it's too tricky''. In reality, it couldn't be easier. All you need is string, a nice assortment of beads and the ability to thread them onto the aforementioned string. You might not think it looks amazing at first, but you'll get better at it over time, I know I have. I look back on the ones I made right when I first started and kind of cringe at how they look compared to the ones I make now - but that's part of it.

I think creativity is actually an incredibly important thing, without it - life is quite dull. So, next time you have a kind of crazy idea and part of you goes ''it'd never work'' - ignore it and try anyway. You might be pleased with the end results :) And for those that don't like other people teaching them: you're your own teacher, what can be more simple than that?

Besos ♥
Rachel

Forgiveness

Somebody did something to me a few weeks ago (in fact, about a month ago) that really, really affected me. I won't go into detail because it's not worth the fuss and it was quite a small thing that will be insignificant in a few months. But, at the time it was a ridiculously huge thing and it really upset me. What possibly is even more annoying is that the person did it purely for selfish reasons - when the whole idea of doing it was to be grateful and make someone feel appreciated.

It hurt me firstly because this person didn't bother to tell me what they'd done until a good few days after, when it came as a complete shock and I could tell their 'apology' was forced and they didn't really mean it. It also hurt me because I spent a long, long time doing my part in it and putting every emotion possible into it to make it mean something, and said person ruined it. Not only ruined it, but didn't care. Great.

I should really be 'over it' by now, it happened about a month ago and the other person involved has probably forgotten about what was said, but for some reason I just can't forgive what said person did. For me, it was like the ultimate betrayal. And I know I'm being REALLY vague. If you don't know me (personally) and are wondering what on earth I could be describing here: it's really not worth explaining. I'm just having a moan - it's what I'm good at.

I don't find it hard to forgive people normally. I'm assuming that I'm finding this hard because of how emotional it was for me. I don't really know, I just can't forgive it right now but I feel like I should because it's kind of affecting things. Or should I just let myself do it over time? After all, it's not me that did something wrong...

Besos ♥
Rachel

Always a Student

OK, so I've spent quite a while trying to decide on a project to do over the summer. I hate long school holidays and this one is even longer than usual due to study leave.

Have decided that it will basically be the following:

- Each day I choose a language

- I pick 5-10 random words to memorise

- I obviously keep a running list of these random words, the language and the English translation otherwise it’d be pointless

- So, hopefully by the end of the holiday I’ll have learnt 100 ish words

- These words can include English ones, because I don’t know every word in the dictionary

- I’ll also post them on here each day too

Sound good? I think so :)

Sidenote: I may also attempt to learn the Greek or Russian alphabet.

Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Besos ♥
Rachel

If you want bleeding ears, listen to the top 50 songs on iTunes...

You could always, of course, try artists such as Rihanna, Lady GaGa or Cheryl Cole too - but that's only if you want really badly bleeding ears...

On a more serious note though, why is it that barely any of the decent music gets into the charts anymore? I really don't have the time to do a full blog post tonight, I've got three exams this week and had one this afternoon so I'm revising like mad. Fun times... Anyway, instead I thought I'd post something that I wrote in English ages ago and posted on my old blog at the time. Forgive me if some of the references are now a bit out of date.

"iTunes. With it we moan, and without it we‘re just as unhappy. Since 2001 it’s been slowly taking the music industry and condensing it into a handy pocket sized electronic device perfect for torturing us with on trains, buses, or any other form of hideous public transport. Don’t lie, we’ve all been there. You’re sitting happily watching the countryside flash by when some moron sidles alongside you, playing the latest tunes through their headphones so loud the whole carriage, or in fact the whole train, can too share the thrilling experience of 'Tinie Tempah' or Ke$ha...

And none of us would mind if they listened to it quietly, but no, they don’t. These people take pride in how loud their iPod can go and how many people they can irritate to the point where someone will inevitably go “Could you turn that down please?” and the moron with the music will screech some hideous response about how it’s a ‘free world’ and how they can ‘do what they like’.

Even better, the ‘artists’ producing this tasteless trash don’t show any signs of remorse either. Ironik probably doesn’t understand the meaning of his own name, Lazee can’t be bothered to pick up a dictionary and The Yeah You’s should be approached with great caution…either that, or armour - the choice is yours. Some so called artists’ names are even unpronounceable, take ‘Deadmau5’ for example. Whoever they are, they probably get downloads simply because people want to know if during the ‘song’, they say their own name.

The songs themselves are equally as ridiculous. Kiss Me Thru the Phone (you know the one, that catchy tune that goes something along the lines of: She call my phone like/
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da) is a touching tale of how Soulja Boy misses his ‘girl’ when she’s away while Beyoncé is encouraging all the Single Ladies to Put A Ring On It - we can only assume she means a finger, although she could obviously be talking about a group of atoms linked by bonds that could be represented graphically in circular or triangular form - it’s getting to be just as common as singing about heartbreak or being in lust these days. I think Daniel Merriweather sums it all up best with “You took something perfect and painted it red.”

Then of course there’s the charming Lady BlahBlah (real name Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta - you can see why she changed it). Her unique combination of 70s synth pop and dance music has more recently captured the musical minds of what seems to be the entire world. The reviews for her album though, are hilarious. One feature about iTunes that can’t be criticised is the ability to slate or rate any single or album in whichever way you see fit. ‘Chris_Here’ concluded: ‘This is one of them albums where you can listen to it without skipping’ while ‘Chica Guacamole’, as a 19 year old girl, “is quite frankly embarrassed that this album is considered to be the soundtrack to the year for her generation” and starts her review saying: “If swine flu were an album, this is what it would sound like…”

The somewhat genius new changes to pricing hasn’t done much for the favour of iTunes either. The coolest, hippest, most downloaded songs are now a staggering 99p (free from Limewire); the middle class, average, catchy but not amazing tunes are still a decent 79p (again, free from Limewire) and the burnt out, tacky noises are a mere 59p (no one wants these, yet alone free from Limewire.) As well as the fact that no one will buy these 59p songs, simply because they’re 59p and we’re all music snobs now, can you imagine the crushing feeling of defeat you’d feel as a 59p artist? You’re not even worthy of the normal price, that’s how bad you are. But saying that, how can iTunes be even legally allowed, yet alone morally allowed, to charge £1 for rubbish like Paparazzi or the ever popular Kiss Me Thru the Phone?

For a long time now the music industry has not been about the quality of the music, the artist or even the song. No, the music industry is about how many records you can sell within the shortest period of time. And yeah, fair enough, it makes sense. But surely we shouldn’t be allowed to get away with compromising the product being sold? Even the thrilling Saturday evening talent show (well, at least it used to be) The X-Factor has jumped on the quick download bandwagon, releasing the official winners singles on iTunes and online before anywhere else, ‘cause apparently so many people want to download the latest cover version of Hallelujah or A Moment Like This (speaking of that Leona woman, she totally killed Snow Patrol’s ‘Run’). The online music download giant now even has its own festival (coincidentally named ‘iTunes Festival’) that takes place each year - it’s ridiculous. Do we honestly care so much about a piece of technology that we cannot live our lives without it?

Well, yes, we do. Even I am guilty of spending obscene amounts buying songs I’ll never really need or want on a regular basis. For instance, I recently bought an audio book of a favourite comedian of mine purely because it was reduced (for those interested, Mark Watson Makes the World Substantially Better - hilarious if you like Welsh people, terrible poetry, or Tim Minchin). When the price popped up on the screen I was so excited I had to hold myself back from screaming and running for my iPod like a child in Toys R Us. Audiobooks, they’re a newfangled aspect of technology. The clue is really in the title, they read to the lazy, the blind and those that feel ill when reading in the car but there’s no writing for the deaf. Surely they can’t get away with that?! As well as audio books we’ve got films (one day they may understand that we have portable DVD players for those); TV programmes (although there’s a rule in the iTunes office that states whole series may not be uploaded to the store); music videos (yeah, ‘cause we really want the song and the video so we can go “Ooh I’ve got the matching pair!”); Podcasts (which is just radio but pre-recorded); iPod games and now applications (anyone else ever needed to use a spirit level whilst on their iPod? No, I didn’t think so.)

So with the wide range of random assorted junk that can now be downloaded from iTunes, it’s hard not to find yourself buying into the global music phenomenon - I mean come on, who doesn’t want Octahedron by The Mars Volta or series one of Undercover Boss from Channel 4? You don’t even have to have an iPod anymore, you can just sign up and spend away regardless of where your purchase will actually end up. We salute you iTunes, only you could take our hard-earned pennies and still leave us wanting more…"

To be fair to iTunes though, there are occasionally some pleasant surprises such as finding new artists through recommendations and the app store will keep me amused for a long, long time if necessary. I suppose the hideous state of the 'Top Songs' is down to 'our generation' and the music produced by it, but if I'm growing up in this generation...I'm kind of ashamed.

What do you think? Are you pleased with the British charts or would you make drastic changes?

Besos ♥
Rachel

Stop this masquerade, no one can win

^ Eric Saade lyrics, before you ask. They make sense though, particularly if I apply them to the ridiculously long list of people in my year who seem to have had their ability to be themselves surgically removed...

I swear that everytime I sign into Facebook the people on my 'friends' list have just got more and more arrogant. One girl was complaining about Coronation Street being cancelled due to the Cumbria shootings earlier, and you just kind of go ''Seriously? 12 people DIED today and all you can do is moan about a TV show being cancelled because of it?''

People my age bang on about how older generations view us as being just basically a horrible generation of people, but I can genuinely see why people would view us this way. If half of the people I knew actually stopped to take a look at the world for even just a few seconds, I think even they would be surprised at how selfish and self-obsessed our generation (as a whole) is. All people my age care about is getting drunk, sleeping around and having a ridiculously large contacts list in their phone - probably in that order too.

And it's not even like most people are capable of being individuals either, most people I know have absolutely no individuality or anything that makes them in any way unique. What gets me the most, though, is that they all pretend that they do. It seems that my generation is the 'indie' generation, which is ironic as there's nothing 'independent' about any of the people I know that like to think they are.

They all go on about how individual and cool they aren't, yet in their heads they're all clearly going ''Oh, I just went to a gig, I'm so cool" and "I didn't really get drunk last night, I just pretended, but it makes me seem cooler that I did pretend". Doesn't it just make you want to SCREAM?!

I read the blog of one girl my age (I don't know her though, thankfully...) who described herself as being ''the ultimate European'' because she has lived in Germany and likes taking drugs. She seems like the sort of person that spends 99.9% of her time talking about herself and the other 0.1% listening to others talk about her too. Why do people my age think that they're the 'ultimate' anything. We've barely lived in comparison to, what, 75% of the population? It's ridiculous. Why can't people just accept the here and now? Why can't we just live for ourselves and not for the 'benefit' of others?

I realise that was more of a rant than a proper post, it's just something that's really been winding me up recently. I'm one of the 5% of people of my age that really couldn't care less about what my 'peer's think of me. And for the record, I don't have a ridiculously large contacts list in my phone and I've never got drunk at somebody's 'house party'. Just so you know...

Does anybody else ever feel like this? A bit like you're the only one in the whole world who isn't interested in impressing people that you won't remember in a few years' time? I suppose I'd be described as naive, but I'm one of the few people that disagree with the idea that ''good people get forgotten'' while ''bad people get remembered''. I remember people that have done good for/to me or those close to me rather than those that have done bad. I'd hope that people might remember me for those same reasons, particularly my teachers (I'm not sure why though) - though I doubt they'll remember me in even a few years' time, I'm not controversial and I'm not 'popular', I just work hard and do well. Apparently that's only impressive to adults, but even then I doubt I'm the sort that would be remembered...

Anyway, there's nothing we can do about these people that just seem to rule the lives of others, all the while being the most fake they possibly can, we just have to grin and bear it. Either that, or delete them from our 'friends' list. I'm saving that wonderful task for when I start college though, I have prom and results day to get through with these people first.

On a slightly different note, is there anything that you guys (the readers) would like to see me blog about? If there is, just leave a comment and I'll try my best to do something on whichever topic/subject/issue you choose :)

Finally, I'd just like to say hello to all of the foreign visitors I've received in the past few weeks, as well as those that loyally visit and read each time I post something. I'm genuinely thankful for everybody that takes the time to read what I have to say, and I'd love to get to know some of you either through comments you leave on here or on my Twitter page (which can be found down the left hand side). Feel free to shamelessly promote your own blogs on here, too, I'd love to read them all :)

Besos ♥
Rachel

Back to Normal

The Eurovision blogging is now over for a while, I know some of you will be thinking ''awww...'' and some will be thinking ''finally!", but I had a lot of fun doing it and I'm going to miss it a little. But, things are back to normal on here for a while now. For anything ESC themed, visit my Tumblr at: http://stopthismasquerade.tumblr.com/

I say that things are 'back to normal', but right now I don't have much 'normality' in my life. Leaving school has definitely given me a sense of freedom that I didn't know could exist, but it's also left me with a permanent slight sense of emptiness that I feel shouldn't be there. This, teamed with tons more odd changes, is a bit like being permanently confused. People say that you grow up and mature through high school, and yeah, I think that's true to some extent. But, I definitely think that you only properly begin to grow up pretty much once your leaving day is over. Suddenly teachers tell you to refer to them by their first name, we have all day to do nothing yet somehow have to fit revision into this hectic schedule... and it is pretty hectic, maybe not literally but emotions wise, there's a lot going on.

I'm looking forward to prom for several reasons. Firstly, exams will be over and we can all just relax and enjoy one final night together. Secondly, it'll be interesting to see everybody in a completely social situation...including teachers. Particularly teachers. I'm also intrigued to see how many girls turn up in huge pink, puffy meringue type dresses and wander around all evening telling everybody how 'hot' they look, and also how many girls turn up in something 'different' that's just plain wrong. They'll probably also wander around all evening telling everybody how 'hot' they look. Hopefully I'll look OK, at least I know I can walk properly in my dress, unlike those with layers and layers of netting and huge hoops underneath the skirt of the dress. I'll be able to get up and dance - except for if my lack of ability to dance prevents me, of course... The bitchier girls of the year will probably be out in full force staring down anybody who looks better than them, they tend to do it even in school uniform. I suppose it's mostly just about feeling good, even if the looks aren't as good as I want them to be...

I've got a packed week of exams next week, so the blogging won't be as frequent as it has been so far. Hopefully I'll do as well as I've been predicted, it's the 4 I'm dreading though, so I'm a bit terrified.

I think I'm going to have a flick through my yearbook(s) in a while, I haven't done it in about two weeks which for me, is a long time. Maybe I'm just trying to remember how it felt being at school properly - instead of revision classes and exams. I'm pretty upbeat about it all though, it's not as bad as I thought it would be thankfully.

I'm also going to begin trying to learn Croatian properly once this week is over - I have a full week off then just one exam (food tech) that is 75% common sense and 25% basic knowledge so I don't need to revise much for that if I'm being honest. I also want to try to learn some Greek over the summer. I've become obsessed with the music of Sakis Rouvas this year, and because he sings in Greek (and is Greek himself, just in case you're wondering) I've gained enthusiasm for the language. I know several words already, but they're random and don't really count for much. I still wish I could pick up some Russian, but I'm not convinced that the language style is right for me. We'll see though, I've got lots of iPod apps and Byki downloaded so I could end up learning anything ;) For anybody interested in languages, I found a great website with language games called Digital Dialects. I don't know how effective it is, but it's certainly fun and good for picking up basic vocab. If anybody has any recommendations of sites/free or very cheap yet effective software, please let me know. I'm always looking for new ways to learn and I'm a complete sucker for stuff like this...

Besos ♥
Rachel

Eurovision 2010

Absolutely the best TV event of the year, beats the world cup by miles. Everything about ESC 2010 was incredible. The hosts were amazing, particularly Erik Solbakken who did so many random, bizarre things on live TV that I shall forever have respect for him. The artists were all incredible, all of the entries have been growing on me and I don't hate any of them now. The interval act was the best interval act I have ever seen in my life for anything, I had goosebumps and I was shaking afterwards because of how amazing it was. I somehow felt inspired, like I could do anything. I can't figure out why, but I did.

Particularly 'stand out' performances for me were:

Jon Lilygreen and The Islanders (Cyprus) - I felt sorry for his poor guitar, as he seemed to have covered it in gaffa tape, perhaps due to a hideous accident that damaged the poor thing? I expected his vocals not to hold out for the performance, so I was delighted when they did. I've loved the song since I first heard it months ago, so I was really quite disappointed with its placement of 21st place.

Tom Dice (Belgium) - I was blown away by how strong his performance in the semi final was, and I was thrilled that it was just as strong, if not stronger, for the actual final. There's just something incredibly charming about a man singing a song about his guitar, whilst just playing his guitar. It was simple, strong and quirky, and I loved it.

Giorgos Alkaios and Friends (Greece) - As usual, an incredibly strong Greek performance. They haven't not qualified since 2000, I think, so it's hardly any surprise that the Greek act would be amazing. Some criticised the song for being 'too Greek' but I think that's what makes it good, they stayed true to their roots (something the UK could do with thinking about for 2011...) and pulled off an incredible performance. Giorgos' dad dancing also put a smile on my face...

Jessy Matador (France) - I hadn't seen the stage show for this song as it was one of the Big Four and qualified automatically, so it wasn't at either semi final, so I was worried that it wouldn't match the recorded version - I was wrong. I particularly loved whatever it was that they did at the end (it began with a 'H', apparently?) as it somehow made the performance feel 'more French', not sure how but it did.

Lena (Germany) - Hadn't seen the stage show for this either, so again I was worried that it wouldn't be as good as expectation suggested it would. Lena's vocals were a bit off at one or two points, but I think that just comes with the territory of performing live. Anyway, I loved her performance and I was glad that she won.

Harel Skaat (Israel) - I've made it no secret that I kind of love this man now. His song was incredibly powerful and I could feel the emotion he had when he really got into it at the end. I never predicted or expected that I'd feel so moved by a Eurovision song. I identified with the lyrics in this song, as well as being able to experience the emotion I got from it. I would be disappointed that it didn't place higher than 14th, but 14 is my 'favourite number', so I'm actually really happy about it.

Oslo did an incredible job of hosting Eurovision this year, and I think it's going to be incredibly hard to beat by Germany in 2011. I had a good ESC experience this year, particularly due to the fact that I was tweeting throughout the semis and the final alongside several big ESC fans (@tugcefindikoglu, @TomKei and a few more) and getting to see so many opinions of others. I was disappointed with the UK coming last, especially as it was obvious that our act, Josh Dubovie, had enthusiasm in bucket loads for the whole thing and really didn't deserve to come last. The votes this year seemed to be slightly more political than last in my opinion, but I'm not trying to excuse why he came last - he came last because the song was too outdated for this year's competition, especially when so many other countries had modernised (Germany, France, Belgium...) and produced songs that sounded good, looked good and were actually promoted. Why we can't send somebody already well known is beyond me...

So there we have it, Eurovision is over for another year and I'm already looking forward to the next. What's great about it being over is that I've discovered tons more music through it, particularly Eric Saade :)

Besos ♥
Rachel