Keep your eyes wide open

Isn't it easy to miss things? The past few weeks have been so intense it's been difficult to think straight, let alone see the things I think I was maybe supposed to see.

Of course, it's natural to think negatively when in a situation that is negative. Or should I say, it's natural to not think positively in a negative situation? Either way, there's the same difference. 

Somehow, and I have no idea how, I ended up listening to this song last night... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP346UnjC_w

The lyric ''keep your eyes wide open'' caught me. If your eyes are closed to the world, you miss out on so much. This is how I have been thinking, and how I should be thinking...


"They won't talk to us"
"This is an opportunity to focus my efforts on other relationships"

"I now have two less days to edit the magazine, sort out the office and get my personal statement sorted"
"I get to spend an afternoon with Eliza, and possibly Fern, without the worry of college"

"They still haven't found us office space, how are we supposed to help people and do peer counselling without a room to do it in?"
"This is teaching us patience and giving us more time to organise how we want to proceed with our plans"

"You're not coming anymore so it will be rubbish"
"Everybody else that I love will still be there"

"Everything is falling apart"
"I'm being given a chance to learn and grow as a person"

Bizarrely, the concept of opening your eyes to the small things in life was introduced to me by the comedian Adam Hills in his Characterful and Joymonger DVD. He talks about wanting to teach his Godson certain things, and the whole DVD is a cleverly masked commentary on how sometimes, it's better to just laugh at something than get wound up about it. 

I really need to start being that person - the one that's standing there laughing while everybody else is angry. Life's too short to hang around being annoyed for no real reason. Wouldn't it be lovely just just not be bothered? To just go with it?

I feel almost as if the past few weeks have been preparing me to go back to college (which is now Wednesday instead of Monday) - I can't even put into words how sad, angry and upset I felt all the way through year 12, but I know that I don't want year 13 to be the same. 

This is our last year together as we are. My group of friends has been largely unaffected by leaving school and starting college - minus 3 people, we're all exactly the same, and we actually have more people around us now than we did in school. Why haven't I been thankful for that? Losing 3 people from our 'Lunch Bunch' has ultimately meant that weak friendships we had with others are now stronger. I still don't even know how one of our friends stumbled into the middle of our little group, but we all welcomed her with open arms and it's like she's been there all along. We have somewhere to go, we have people who care about us, and we have our memories - why haven't I focused my attention on that? 

I hated college all year, but there are so many things I wish I'd opened my eyes to sooner. If I hadn't gone to college, I'd never have met Poppy, and we'd never have stood at the front of a church laughing at the Vice Principal's inability to take pictures. I'd never have met Sophie, and we'd never have gone to Linguastars and had the best two days of the whole college year. I'd never have gone to Poland and not only experienced one of the most surreal things I can think of, but I'd also never have grown closer to Jade, got to know Jess or remembered who I really am.

It's time to refocus and keep remembering who I really am. We have one year left to just be until it gets really hard. Let's make the most of it.

"And now, with the lights turned down and your eyes half open, I know you don't see me. When I'm standing out, if you just turn around and keep your eyes wide open, I know you might feel me here."