This Time of Year

First, some quick admin. I will type up my Poland stuff at the weekend and hopefully post it all then, staggered over Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I go to 'language camp' at the University of Leeds on Tuesday - Wednesday then am in college all day Thursday, so there won't be any blogging until Thursday evening or Friday. 

Tonight, something is on my mind. This time last year I was preparing for my World Challenge. This year, I will spend the 9th at the University of Hull. Last year, I spent the 9th in school, then on a coach, then at Brunel University. It's amazing how those two situations can seem so similar and yet be miles away in reality. Last year, I was officially on World Challenge, about to go on the 'experience of a lifetime', and this year I am going to an open day. 

Last year, everything was, for some reason, just so...alive. I was leaving school, going to prom, going to Croatia, starting college. This year, everything is just ongoing, nothing's changing. I went to Poland and it was absolutely amazing, and then I've been thrown back into this strange world of deadlines and organising things and needing to be in 4 places at the same time. I don't like it, and this would surprise most, if not all, people I know. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my role as NCP Amnesty President and as the Layout Editor for Working Title. I love my (slightly unprofessional/pointless) SOS training because I genuinely never want anybody to have to feel like I did when I started college and the thought of being able to help with that is greatly satisfying. But, and this is the important bit, sometimes it feels like I'm doing these things to please everybody but myself. And I don't want to sound whiny and self-important, but it's not like anybody (I'm talking peers here, family and teachers etc do absolutely everything they can in my experience) is ever willing to do much in return. 

OK, so that's a great exaggeration, but at least a tiny little bit of it is true. Going to Poland gave me a taste of what feeling alive is like, and I'm not sure I want go back to my depressive state of October, November, December, January and February...and April. I want to actually live this summer and feel fulfilled by everything that's going on. I want to go to France and converse with French people in my crazy, mangled phrasebook French a bit like I did in Poland (where 'dziękuję' was pronounced differently every time I said it). I want to properly learn some Swedish. I want to analyse Spanish poems and then, when all that's done, I want to just be.

While we're talking about Spanish poems. I found one today that is easily my favourite poem ever. It goes as follows:

El Balcón - Federico García Lorca

Si muero
Dejad el balcón abierto


En niño come naranjas
(Desde mi balcón lo veo)


El segador siega el trigo
(Desde mi balcón lo siento)


Si muero
Dejad el balcón abierto


I believe it's something about looking down from heaven on all of the things going on down below. Amy thought it was about suicide, but I interpreted it in a completely different way. Anyway, I think there's something different about Spanish poetry and lyrics in that it's all a complete mystery, and you have to really think about the language and all of the different meanings it can have. I'm interpreting ''el balcón'' (the balcony) as being heaven here, and ''dejad el balcón abierto'' (let the balcony open) as being heaven opening. I don't know, that's just how I viewed it. What do you think?


Besos ♥ 
Rachel